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Blog Archive

Saturday, August 30, 2008

What does not matter? (poem)

Shackle is a shackle, it does not matter, whether it is made out of gold or iron.

Insecurity is an insecurity, it does not matter, whether it is financial or emotional.

Attention is attention, it does not matter, whether it is given out of affection or hatred.

Attachment is an attachment, it does not matter, whether it is to an offspring or Yoga.

Calling is a calling, it does not matter, whether it is for serving or writing.

Seeking is seeking, it does not matter, whether it is from idols or within.

***

Aum Tat Sat

Friday, August 29, 2008

Surrender Now (poem)

This morning I was searching for ways to focus my distracted thoughts. During meditation, this is what evolved.

***

Surrender now,
But only to the,
Inner Being.

***
Aum Tat Sat

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Silence Emerges When Noise Dies Down (poem)

This poem started rolling out one early morning (amidst complete silence), when I heard the volume of silence increasing as the noise of the sprinkler started decreasing.

***
Silence emerges when noise dies down.
***
Courage erupts when a force (within) trespasses inhibitions.
***
Consciousness awakens when truth overrules assumptions.
***
Ease unearths when uneasiness is released.
***
Calmness surfaces when surrender overpowers chaos.
***
Peace manifests when (its) search outside terminates.
***

Aum Tat Sat

Finding Similarities Between Two Worlds (poem)

I have been enjoying, studying and pursuing Physics since age 9. Now, standing in the experiential world, I can't help finding similarities between the two worlds. Some of them are:

***

I had learned that action and reaction are equal but opposite.

Now, I experience, love when I hug warmly and frustration when I am angry.


I had studied that energy is always conserved.

Now, I notice, an excited state following my low spirit state and vice versa.


I had verified that light traverses the path of least time.

Now, I cherish, walking the path of least resistance against my inherent nature.


I had realized that research leads to newer dimensions.

Now, I feel, exploring the experiential world is as fulfilling as exploring Physics.

***

Aum Tat Sat

Trudging Towards the Goal (poem)

When circumstances bother me, this is what helps me trudge towards the goal.

***

Seeing a bigger plan in everything,
Accepting all that is happening,
Merging it with complete trust,
Resisting-not what is bothering,
And then transmuting it helps in,
Trudging towards the goal.

***
Aum Tat Sat

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Being is Doing (poem)

When I asked “What do I do?” under different circumstances, in several meditation sessions. My soft voice said the following (during and after mediation):

***

In joy, express gratitude.
When perturbed, observe the feeling.
Otherwise, just BE (the observer).

***
Aum Tat Sat

Saturday, August 23, 2008

What Really Hurts? (poem)

This very early morning, after the meditation the following words encapsulated my experience.

***

Silence speaks when noise (within) quietens.

Alignment begins when anchoring (outside) releases.

Connection blossoms when scattering (of thoughts) decreases.

Creativity happens when struggling (for ideas) stops.

Oneness prevails when (all) dualities merge.

Formless emerges when forms reveal (it).

***

Aum Tat Sat

Friday, August 22, 2008

Maintaining Peace (poem)

Recently, I had been observing the cleansing and dissolving powers of water. The other day, when I had food poisoning; with each subsequent glass of pure water I drank, I actually sensed my system clearing up (without any medications). Now, I am convinced that water worked on my digestive system the way constant remembrance works on my thoughts. Here is a poem, that surfaced during some of those observations.

***

Thinking about the divine amidst harsh circumstances, temporarily provides me security; just as the running water on a cut finger, temporarily washes off the blood.

Experiencing the divine presence during meditation, leaves me with a lingering joy; just as rinsing the greasy utensils in hot soapy water, leaves them sparkling clean.

Remembering the divine constantly, dissolves my all other thoughts; just as soaking the clothes in hot water with strong detergent, dissolves all stubborn stains.

Meditating and constantly remembering, helps me in maintaining peace; just as alertness and frequent mopping, helps in maintaining a clean floor.

***

Aum Tat Sat

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

While I am Seeking (poem)

In the programming languages (like, Basic, C, C++ or Fortran); a “while” loop checks the condition in the parentheses ( ) and as long as the condition is true, it keeps on executing the commands within the curly braces { }.

Now, I am feeling inspired to be in this powerful “while ( ) loop” until I accomplish my seeking. In the following code, as long as I answer "Yes" to continue, it will repeat the three steps; else it will stop.

***

While (I am seeking)
{
With constant filtering, I think.
With a higher awareness, I long.
With a deep craving, I seek.

Continue?
}

***

Aum Tat Sat

Friday, August 15, 2008

Traversing the Spiritual Path

DISCLAIMER: The following writing (which has come through me) is not a counter argument. It is simply a writing, through which I am expressing (for the first time) what I believe in. I have full respect for all those people, who might never agree with me; for I have been there and done that. However, I am sharing this writing with two intentions. Firstly, to illustrate how over two decades, my blocked-and-purely-analytical-mind merged with a heart-full-of-faith, and secondly to appreciate my new faith in the light of old laws of Physics.

***

After reading Sujit Saraf's, article about “A Rationalist's Dilemma” (in August, 2008 issue of India Currents), I felt a strong urge to answer a similar question; “How can a Physicist like you, believe in Amma?”, which I have been asked (since June, 2008) pretty frequently.

To answer that, I would like to start from my childhood.

***

My mother always said, “KNOW THAT GOD IS WITHIN.”

She raised me (and my siblings) in Delhi, as an open-minded Hindu, encouraging us to worship idols, perform hawans and celebrate all Indian festivals with our friends from different religions. But, she repeatedly emphasized, “Do not ever worship human beings”, each time she read a story about a pseudo-saint.

Therefore, I grew up with a mental barrier against living saints.

***

In 1992, when I was undergoing an emotionally low phase, I started praying (frequently) and reading sacred books. During that phase, for the first time, I FELT THAT GOD WAS ACTUALLY WITHIN ME.

Around the same time, I had started pursuing Ph. D. in Physics; which enhanced my analytical and probing skills.

Now, it seems, that during that research training phase, a seed of spirituality and inquisitiveness was sown within me.

***

In 1997, after defending my thesis, I moved to the bay area with my husband. And I found myself placed (geographically), farthest away from my family, friends and country. Soon my daughter was born, but I continued to feel uprooted in an absolutely contrasting climate and culture.

While working in the industry, I felt unfulfilled (compromising the quality of work for the quantity), claustrophobic (sitting in the cubicles) and frustrated (with even casual conversations revolving only around money). I often, found myself asking difficult, metaphysical and mundane questions. Without any conscious effort, I started sitting still (and quiet) pondering over possible answers.

As a result of pursuing one of those quests, in 2001, I started teaching Physics at a local university; which offered me a 50% better balance (than industry). Balance, in terms of spending quality time with my daughter, being creative about teaching, finding fulfillment and an opportunity to learn Yoga from a very spiritual, Caucasian teacher.

While doing Yoga, in that uplifting energy class (in a studio), I would sense subtle answers (to my questions) surfacing up; and I also got to see the first picture of smiling Amma (on a badge pinned on my teacher's bag).

Now, I think, that while practicing Yoga, without my awareness; that seed of spirituality had sprouted out.

***

In 2003, when my son was born, I took time off work; and just then, the circumstances in my family took a U-turn. My son refused to sleep in the night (during his first year), my daughters allergies ( to food and environment) escalated exponentially; and I, after one year of undetected suffering (from extreme fatigue and anxiety) got diagnosed with hyper-thyroid-ism.

During that rough phase, I started using my super-analytical mind to fight all that was happening around me. I tried to find answers to my endless questions (“What if this happens...? or Why is this happening only to my daughter...?”); as a result, my anxiety, fears and insecurities multiplied.

The only thing that really helped me, then, was once-in-a-while-shut-eye-closed-door-long meditation. With no emotional support from the family, the only support I found (whenever I truly tried) was from within.

Now, I feel, that during those random meditation sessions; the fresh leaves of seeking had started blossoming (out of that sprouted seed).

***

Amidst all that chaos, in June, 2006, on my sons 3rd birthday, I went (along with my family) to meet Amma. It was more for seeking blessings from an elderly person, on an auspicious occasion; rather than visiting a saint.

There, I noticed that most of the devotees were constantly gazing at Amma (for hours at a stretch), while I was looking at the watch (waiting for my turn to get the hug).

However, I returned home with a pleasant experience of getting a genuinely-warm-motherly pat on my back; something I had not experienced since 1996 (ever since my mother left this world).

Now, I know, that after that first visit, my trust in Amma's genuineness (as a saint) had started germinating; much like the expanding and strengthening of roots before the trunk shoots out.

***

In January, 2007, my back got hurt and I landed in bed with excruciating nerve pain; followed by an intense emotional trauma. The pain(s) kept on aggravating in direct proportion to the frustration in trying to get a clear advice from doctors.

In March, 2007, finally, I prayed and prayed to the God within, and that is when I heard the golden words, “SEEK ALL THAT YOU NEED FROM WITHIN”.

After that, I started meditating regularly (for security) and writing (to occupy my mind). Soon, I realized that these two vents were very cleansing, fulfilling and healing.

I had also realized that while teaching Physics at the university (to my adult students), I was watering leaves instead of the roots. Therefore, during this recovery phase, I started sharing my joy of learning Physics via exploration (in place of complicated equations or tedious mathematical derivations); at the root level, with my 9 year old daughter's class.

Now, I am thankful for everything that led to that tearful praying, which in turn forced a thin-tall trunk (supported by bamboos) of faith to erupt (out of that seed).

***

Towards the end of April, 2008, I found myself longing for my mothers hug; with the same intensity, as I was screaming out, “Mama, Mama” in labor pain (before taking Epidural).

In that perturbed state, I met Amma again. This time, I experienced an uplifting energy, which cleansed me during the tearful-waiting time. And, I was blessed with a much-needed inner connection (to the inherent source) of peace, and a fulfilling-motherly hug. The complete story about this experience can be read at http://surrenderlistenandgive.blogspot.com/2008/06/embracing-ammas-love.html.

That day after coming home, I felt content, the way I had never ever felt before.

Ever since then, I have been experiencing a lingering sense of inner completeness.

Now, I feel, as if, that thin-trunk of my faith has become stronger and can stand on its own (without any support from bamboos).

I feel this each time, I hear a soft voice (from within) telling me, “KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOD.”

***

Now, I know that laws of Physics hold good in all worlds; be it, scientific research, everyday life or spiritual experiences. Therefore, I make a humble attempt to explain my interaction with Amma through a Physicist logic and everyday observations.

Scientifically speaking, an Infrared (IR) light source (like Nd:YAG lasers), sends out vibrations which can only be detected by IR detectors (and not by the human eye or a microwave detector); simply because the detector needs to operate in the wavelength range of the light source. Also, as a common application, when a remote control is pointed at any digital camera (even those in cell phones); the near IR signal starts flashing in the viewfinder, when the IR signal (itself) is invisible to the naked eye.


Similarly, (in everyday life) I have observed that sometimes (without any logical explanation), I feel so comfortable with an absolute stranger that I land up having a long heart to heart conversation.

The phenomenon behind these examples is commonly called wavelength matching. Extrapolating this phenomenon, to my two (in-person) meetings with Amma; I would say that there was nothing mysterious about (either of) them.

In my first visit, when my mind-analyzed wavelengths were out of the range of Amma's heart-sent wavelength; I did not receive anything other than the physical hug.

On the other hand, during the second visit, when my heart was aligned (with the God within), I could sense Amma's (same-old) heart-sent wavelengths and experience a joy in that empowering moment. A joy, I had otherwise seen only, on my 10 month old son's face, when he had walked for the first time. In this second visit, Amma helped me connect to my inner source of peace; the way I helped my son take his first steps.

Now, I am convinced, that just as in research, probing matters; IN SEEKING, FAITH MATTERS.

***

Relevant Vocabulary

Infrared (IR) radiation- It is an electromagnetic radiation whose wavelength is longer than that of visible light, but shorter than that of microwaves.

***

Aum Tat Sat

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Scraping off EXtra thoughts (prayer + audio)

The following prayer (its key thoughts, to be precise) erupted during a meditation session this morning.

And the tune came along while walking (right after the meditation session) about 15 meters, towards my car. While singing the first line in that perfect tune, I was reminded of an old song, “All I need to do is dream, dream.” by Cliff Richard; a song I used to sing a lot in college days. Thanks, Cliff.

Once home, I poured it out on my laptop. Needless to say, I throughly enjoyed the process; the way it came through me, in one day. It feels like a blessing.

***

All I wish to do is pray, pray, pray, pray.
Pray-pray-pray, pray-pray-pray,
pray-pray-pray, from heart.
All I wish to do is pray, pray.

All I NEED to do is scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape.
Scrape-scrape-scrape, scrape-scrape-scrape,
scrape-scrape-scrape, all extra thoughts.
All I NEED to do is scrape, scrape.

***
To listen to this prayer, click on the green triangle.



Aum Tat Sat

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Moment (poem)

The following poem is a recollection of a few memorable moments.

***

In that moment, we were one.

The moment the umbilical cord was cut, my baby and I became two.


The moment he expressed his heartfelt feelings, everything (including him) started looking different.

The moment he spoke his sub-conscious mind, he pulled the earth beneath me.


The moment I tune in, I tune out of confusion.

The moment I heard “No” (from him), my soaring heart shattered on the ground.


The moment I stepped out of the shower, my wide-awake-insecure-and-crying baby started giggling.

The moment I sensed my mother's departure, I felt denuded.


An hour seems like a moment, when I am writing from the heart.

In a moment, the truth got revealed; but, it took me very long to assimilate.


Good or bad, it is only the moment, I remember.

Now, I wish to be present in the moment.

***

Aum Tat Sat

What Really Matters? (poem)

An updated poem which includes feedback from the readers.


***

In listening, concern matters.

In writing, emotion matters.

In speaking, caring matters.


In interacting, respect matters.

In hugging, warmth matters.

In appreciating, spontaneity matters.


In giving, heart matters.

In helping, sincerity matters.

In cooking, love matters.


In tears, genuineness matters.

In joy, gratitude matters.

In pain, observation matters.


In reflection, perspective matters.

In silence, connection matters.

In praying, devotion matters.

***

Aum Tat Sat

Sensing Universal Being IN-side (poem)

In the following poem, I make a humble effort to describe the Being within.

***
The Being within,
pushes like the initial-forceful gush (out of a sprinkler),
sounds like the constant-soft periodic ticking (of a clock),
looks like the hiding-inseparable roots (of a tree), and
feels like the heartwarming-caring love (of a parent).

The Being within,
connects me to the Being existing inside all (trees, breeze and people)
greets me smilingly with the swaying of the leaves (when I step outside),
caresses my cheeks gently with the breeze (when I am standing still), and
blesses me with love in each affectionate hug (I give to other people).

***

Aum Tat Sat

Monday, August 4, 2008

Revisiting School Days

In October, 2007, I explored the concept of “speed” with my 9 year old daughter’s class. Surprisingly, that little activity, took me decades back to my own school.
***
When I was 9 years old, I saw the most interesting display, showing generation of electricity from water in my first science fair.

On that fateful day, when I was drifting (along with other students of my class), slowly in a long line, my eyes got hooked on to that captivating display.

On the left hand side, the display showed how people irrigated their fields using water from the well. On the right hand side, it exhibited how, when the same water when made to fall on a rotating turbine generated electricity. That simple layout of plastic 2 inches tall “toy-farmer”, hand colored “brown brick well”, “blue colored water” on the base, is still fresh in my memory. I clearly remember, that it also depicted an example of consuming electricity by showing 4 inches tall “street lights” standing on either side of the gray colored “streets” (marked on its base). The entire display which was contained on a 12” x 24” cardboard base spoke volumes to me that day.

The students who had set it up were 2 middle school girls, and one of them turned out to be my friend’s elder sister. Since I was very comfortable with her, therefore, while looking at the 3-D display, I kept on asking her questions, one after another; without any hesitation.

While I was bombarding questions, I noticed that all the students behind me had walked way ahead admiring the colors, working demonstrations and the projects of other exhibitors. I knew I was getting late, but I just could not stop myself from asking more and more questions; with my eyes continuously glued on that display. I think finally, she got tired of answering my endless questions and therefore reminded me to catch up with my classmates. But before I had my last glance, she plucked a little toy from the display and offered it to me with an affectionate bye.

That day I did not get to see any other project, but I did not really miss anything. Perhaps, because a seed of inquiry and love for Physics had been sown within me.
***
In the next five years, I realized that, whether the teacher who taught Physics was good, OK, or very bad, it did not alter my strong attraction towards Physics. In fact, it was of the same intensity as was my repulsion away from Biology.
***
It was a big struggle for me to remember those long classifications in Biology. And the struggle kept on increasing and until it finally became un-surmountable (with each passing day) in grade 9 and 10. That green-colored Biology text book turned out to be my sleeping pill, “anytime” of the day.

My best friend (in class), who was very comfortable with Biology understood my plight. Like a God sent blessing, she would make notes out of several books and share them with me generously; so that I could somehow pass the exam. During those two struggle-full years, I repeatedly told her that I owed her a lot. She would feel happy on hearing that most of the time. But she did express her anger on knowing that I had scored one point more than her in the annual (Biology) exam.

However, when we were all leaving for new school after grade 10; she took a promise from me that I would never ever choose Biology as one of the subjects in higher studies.

During that time, for grade 11 and 12, the students had to take three core subjects for science stream and one optional subject (just to pass). I knew I will choose Physics, Mathematics and Chemistry as core subjects. For the rest of world, I had a “choice” between Biology and Engineering Drawing, as the optional subject; but for me there wasn’t any.
***
On the day of my interview at the new school, my father was “the guardian” with me.

While driving to the new school, walking up to the Principals office and waiting outside, my father kept on saying, “Take Biology” and I kept on replying “No”. Since I had managed to get a decent score in Biology, he could not see any reason for me not to choose it. I tried my best, to explain it to him, but he just did not get it.

Once inside the interview room, the principal asked me about the optional subject. Without any second thoughts or having a clue what the subject was about I said, “Engineering Drawing”.

The principal stopped writing, and suggested with a command,

“Why don’t you take up Biology?”

Before, I could say anything he informed me, “I would like you to know that, there are always very few girls in this section. And the few girls who go there, eventually come back to the Biology section, after experiencing a few weeks of loneliness.”

I still remember clearly the sight of a big smile that appeared on my father’s face (on hearing those words), as if his lost boat had been located by the search party.

My father said, “SEE”, looking at me. Then he got up from his seat and started walking closer towards the principal.

Now I had two adults against me, next to each other, like a stronger team.

After that both of them took turns and sometimes spoke together, to somehow influence me to change my mind.

The principal argued, “Why should you take up hammer in your hands”.

I refuted, “Dropping Biology is not equal to taking up hammers.”

My father complained, “I have been trying to explain the same to her, so that she can become a doctor; but look at her...”

“You should listen to your father and take up Biology”, said the Principal, supporting my father.

“I can’t study biology”, I reiterated.

“No problem, you need not, you just need to pass”, this time principal was smiling.

I stamped my feet and raised my voice, “Yes, that is what I am trying to say, I CANNOT EVEN PASS BIOLOGY.”

After a brief silence, the principal first looked at his watch, then towards me. With much reluctance, he yielded.

That day, I came out of that long-exhausting-and-confrontational interview feeling victorious.
***
Now, I pray, that I can be as courageous and determined (as I was at age 15) to pursue my heartfelt wishes.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I am Love, I am Joy (chant + audio)

The last two lines came up (before the first two) as a realization during meditation and the first two (along with the tune) struck me when I was folding laundry with my kids on a Sunday afternoon.

Singing this chant anywhere, anytime, helps me in bringing my scattered thoughts back to my focus, i.e., divine thoughts.

***

I am Love, I am Joy,
I am Peace, I am Light,
I am Yours, I am You,
I am I Am.

***

Click on the green triangle below to hear the chant:








***

Aum Tat Sat