This morning during meditation it occurred to me that my true self, the observer (called I) is separate from myself (which is always being observed).
I remembered, how the first day when my back got injured, my body suffered excruciating nerve pain. In that moment, for the first time, I actually observed myself crying in pain. Looking back, it feels as if there was a distinct observer sitting somewhere within me, who was observing silently. Just like people passing by watch an accident on the road, without experiencing the pain of the victim.
Also, I remembered that when I was expressing my heart felt feelings in an extremely emotional moment, there was a distinct (though a) part of me which was speaking those deeply felt words. Again, I was merely an observer, hearing a part of me (called myself) uttering those words.
All these years, I was not aware of it.
I pray that I am able to observe my passive self and my reacting self in not-so-extreme circumstances too.
***
The other day,
I saw myself crying,
in excruciating, nerve pain.
Another day,
I heard myself speaking,
heart felt feelings, desperately.
Recently,
I realized that,
circumstances, only, affect myself.
Now,
I am aware that,
a passive self, I, is observing myself.
***
Aum Tat Sat
Dearest Gunjan,
ReplyDeleteIt is so wonderful to witness your awakening...all is in perfect order.
Om tat sat...
Julianne