Can this Mind Box be emptied of all thoughts?

Does the mind box always need to be full or it can stay happy empty?

For, the last few weeks, I had been struggling with some distracting thoughts during meditation I was seeking them to vanish. And out of meditation, I was praying and remembering God so that I my thoughts get focused on Him. But, I realized that it was turning out to be extremely difficult.

This morning during a tearful meditation, instead of asking all disturbing-tempting-and-frustrating thoughts to go away; I asked Him, “Why is it that I am not able to focus on God?” and I heard, “Attachment”. I realized I was getting entrapped in the net of “attachment”. And I was blaming 2 sets of people around me, one for pushing me towards it and the second for entrapping me into it.

Once out of meditation, while checking emails, I saw an email from one of the Physics teachers (in the Physics Teachers Yahoo Group) who had been desperately seeking help from other teachers to explain a certain concept to her High School Students, for the last two days. Each time she would write an elaborate-detailed email explaining how she was brain storming back and forth between her students (in class) and with other teachers (in Yahoo Group). I could see that, for, the last two days, she was thinking Physics and was making each one of us think Physics. This morning, it struck me that she was eating, sleeping and driving with her “Physics” thoughts. I remembered, that this is precisely the way I was during my BS, MS, Ph.D. in Physics, and later while teaching Physics at the University.

In that moment, it hit me that she was thinking “Physics” the same way; I was thinking about my “disturbing” thoughts.
Then it occurred to me that each one of us has the same mind box, which NEEDS to be filled up with some thoughts all the time.

Looking back, about my own major “set of thoughts” through different phases, I realized that during childhood the thoughts were of pretend games, exploring and creativity. During high school and college, they were predominantly academics and most focused towards Physics while doing Ph.D. While teaching the thoughts were focused on simplifying the subject and on how to communicate better with my students. Once I had kids with frequent-and-major health issues, the thoughts shifted to predominantly “worrying about their recovery”. It is only, when I had back injury last year; that I actually found the connection with the divinity within and I started thinking about Him.

Of all these sets of thoughts, the thoughts of God were the weakest and the mildest in intensity most of the time. I had realized that when I am out of those 1-3 meditations every day, it is hard for me to visualize Him and sense His divinity. And on top of that, other desirable-tempting-and-frustrating thoughts around me have always been much stronger in their impact; partly because there sources are visible and are constantly around me.

However, I know through experience that His thoughts, which are strong once in a while and are weak, bland and calm most of the time; are true. Therefore, I wish to choose to think about His thoughts, above all other tempting, luring, frustrating, angry thoughts; which are all false but flashy, loud and omnipresent.

Now, I have realized that this mind called box cannot ever be empty. It needs to be filled up with some thoughts all the time. But, I can choose as to what thoughts I fill up my mind with.

Today, I pray to fill my mind with the thoughts which are filling my heart, His thoughts; even if they are dull and non-exciting. For, I trust, that as I dig deeper, connect stronger to the one within; His thoughts will continue to stay stronger even out of meditation. I trust “this” thought, for I trust Him and His seldom-experienced-strong-joyful-loving thoughts. Now, I know that I just need to trust the process and keep digging deeper, connecting stronger and staying focused on Him.

Now, I have realized that it does not help to blame others for entrapping me. This is my life and my choice. Now, I choose not to blame others for my mess; instead I choose to seek Him to come out of “any” mess with His help. I wish not to focus on the cause of the mess, but the way out of the mess. For, this “right thinking”, I thank God once again.

As of today, I understand that the mind box needs to be filled up constantly, with God thought or whatever.

With Much Gratitude,
Gunjan

May 10,2008