Trusting the Protection

Introduction

My father never allowed me or my siblings to go for an overnight school trip. He was a strict father. Therefore, there was no way any one of us could argue or reason it out with him.

Complaining about the Protection

All my friends, classmates, and teachers would go for the trip year after year, come back and narrate their fun and adventure stories. After listening to those stories, I would feel even more frustrated.

When I would complain about it to my mother, she would say that my father felt that “the world is not safe” for us. She would explain me that since he lost his own parents at a very young age. Perhaps, due to that he “witnessed and experienced” the not-so-obvious-unsafe-side of the world too early in his life. By imposing that restriction, he was simply trying to “protect” his own children from that.

But at that young age, her ambiguous answer did not convince me. I used to refute, as to how come the world was safe for all my friends and not for me. I started building resentment against him and his closed-mind-about-overnight-trips-policy.

I remember that I was in grade 5 and was the group leader of the songs for an out of state all India singing competition. I told my music teacher about my father’s strict policy. But he did not pay any attention to it. The practices went on without any back up. Two days before the trip, the music teacher requested the principal of the school to talk to my father about it. The principal followed it through and explained my father how important it was for me to represent my school in that competition. She promised that either she herself or one of the accompanying teachers would be with me all the time. My father yielded. However, he communicated very clearly that it was the first and the last time he was allowing his daughter to go for an overnight trip. Next year they should have a back up singer and be prepared to hear a NO from him.

After few months, the preparations for the same competition started once again. My music teacher once again ignored my warnings. He trusted the principal and her convincing skills. The principal once again called up my father two days before the leaving, but this time my father did not yield. That Sunday morning when all other students were there with their backpacks and sleeping bags, I reached there empty handed with my father. I heard my father talk firmly to the principal, “As per our last year’s conversation, I am not sending my daughter.” The school bus left with everyone other than me.

After that my school did not involve me in the practice session for any of the out-of-state-competitions. I represented school only for local competitions.

Trusting the Goodwill

Years passed by and finally I reached the final year of my high school. When it came to applying for engineering colleges, my father declared that he would not let me go out of Delhi to study. I complained once again, because there were only three engineering colleges in Delhi. Plus, it was a well known fact that each one of those colleges was extremely hard to get in different ways. I felt frustrated since his decision was restricting the choices for my career.

To console me, my mother explained that in his heart my father always wished good for me. She told me that I should know it and believe ONLY that. She suggested that during those bitter moments I should only trust his good will, without arguing and thinking about his decision logically.

Focusing on the trust part made sense. It did help in melting away my anger and frustration.

Longing for the Protection

However, things changed only after I started my Ph.D. work at IIT Delhi. My group research scholars arranged an out of state trip to see the highest TV tower. When I talked to my father about it, I heard a YES for the very first time. I was thrilled and shocked, that he was letting me go for an out of state two night trip, that too without any Professors.

But during that short trip, something happened which changed my perspective. Due to certain unpredictable circumstances, I landed up alone (without any of my group people) in a half-asleep compartment, surrounded by complete strangers. That was one long night for me. On that uneasy night, I sensed for the very first time, in the eyes of the men around me, a look which made me feel very uncomfortable. I felt so insecure during those few hours that I did not close my eyes at all. I realized that in each second, of every minute, of those few hours, all I was longing for was that much-detested protection. For the first time, I understood the meaning of often heard, “the world is not safe” phrase in my family.

That was one big lesson for me. After that I traveled out of the state and out of the country, sometimes without any company, to present my research papers. But I always traveled with that “lesson”.

Assimilating the Protection

After becoming a mother (of 9 and 4 year old children) and having discovered this new connection within, I can now see all these old memories in a fresh perspective.

I now realize that for all those two and half decades (when I was living with my father) it was only “the trust” in my father which overwrote my resentment against his “strict policy”. Now, I sense that the decades old “trust” was like an introduction to the “new trust” which I have recently discovered with the divinity within. This “new trust” urges (just like my father did) me to do what IT (the divinity) says without getting into arguments or thinking logically as to “where” it is leading me.

I found the following analogy very helpful in assimilating this concept of “protection”.

I remember that the concept of electrons was first introduced to me in elementary school. At that stage it was simply a new word in my otherwise limited vocabulary. I got more familiar to that new word simply by “hearing and reading” about it after that introduction. After a few years when I reached the high school my Physics teacher demonstrated and explained how electrons scan the screen of a regular TV or a PC. At that stage I understood much more about electrons, its properties and applications by “seeing” its effects. Many years later, when I was at the university, I myself verified those so far only-read-in-textbook properties (of electrons) by “doing” hands-on experiments. It was definitely something that gave me an in depth understanding of the already well-studied properties of electrons. A few years later, while pursuing my research work, I started "exploring" the possible potentials of that invisible-to-naked-eye particle. It was then that I truly realized the enormous-and-to-be-explored electronic applications.

Similarly, I was introduced to this concept of “protection” from the supreme power at a very young age. But at that stage it sounded very abstract to me, without any feel of it. After a few decades, I started appreciating my father’s actions and words, which were exemplifying that concept. His physical presence and ways helped me feel what “protection” felt like. Years passed by and I became a parent. It was then that I truly appreciated how hard it is for a parent to protect their children through different stages. Recently, I experienced (a similar) “protection” from the divinity within.

To me this new awareness about always-accessible-but-never-tapped “protection” from the source within appears to be like that omnipresent-and-enormously-potent electron. I have realized that just as an exploring mind is needed for pursuing research on electrons; a TRUSTING heart is all that is needed for seeking PROTECTION from the divinity within.

Appreciating the Protection

My father “provided” the best possible education and “arranged” for a SAFE environment for me and my siblings. He gave (and is continuing to give) what he missed out most as a child, PROTECTION.

On the upcoming auspicious occasion of my father’s birthday (Dec. 10th, 2007), I take pride in offering him my heart-felt-gratitude. I thank him for protecting me all “those” and “these” years. I acknowledge him for inspiring me to pass that gift of then-detested-now-treasured protection to my own children.

I thank the divinity within for blessing me with such a father, who demonstrated (and continues to illustrate) the divinity's supreme-yet-abstract-protection to me. A protection which I now feel was-is-and-will-always-be needed; be it from my own fearful thoughts or from the people around me.

How do I overcome my fearful thoughts?

I am sharing the answers to some of the questions I meditated upon. To me, these are difficult questions and I could only find answers during deep meditation. I believe they are true but difficult-to-follow-solutions.

How do I overcome fearful thoughts popping up in my mind?

I went out for a walk to blow away my fearful thoughts under the open sky and in the cool breeze. Each time they came up, I told myself I need to focus on "now" in this moment in my hand, instead of worrying about what if that happens and then that would happen and then I would do so and so….. Focusing on the available choices in that moment helped me in enjoying the nature, the sound of walking over the dry leaf, the smiling people and the waving-smiling child in his stroller. But as soon as I entered home, the negatives thoughts started pounding back.

Then without taking off my jacket, I did what always works for me, meditation. Within a few minutes, I could relax my body as I saw a tornado hit building (on the L.H.S) torn down next to the still standing multi-level building called me. On other side (R.H.S) the adjacent building had already been brought down in front of my eyes by the earthquake. While on the land in front of me, a huge bulldozer was making an enormous sound while crushing some other dilapidated buildings. The noise and the vibration created by the bulldozer were so high that I (the only standing building) was vibrating too. Then I realized that just because the environment around me was chaotic and out of control, it does not mean that I need to start worrying. I am earthquake-tornado-and-bulldozer-vibration-proof, why do I need to worry. There need not be any fears in my mind. I should be relaxing and enjoying the life going on inside my building.

Then I knew it implied that if I have this strong connection within, then I need not fear, worry or get stressed. All will be fine. Nothing can harm me. So, all I need to do is sing “Don’t worry be happy".

Learning A to Z of Thanksgiving

The other day, I was at the local bank, waiting to get my job done. But it took the bankers 2 long hours to sort out the problem in my account. During that “waiting” time, I started feeling impatient, hungry, tired, and frustrated. It was in that moment, I decided to CHOOSE to write about “what I was feeling thankful for”. That choice not only helped me shift my focus, but also helped me enjoy the “waiting” time. Later, I realized that, I had discovered that one can celebrate “thanksgiving” anywhere, anytime (instead of waiting an entire year for the 3rd Thursday in November).

Here is what I scribbled behind my rough-bank-notes-sheet.

A to Z of Thanksgiving

In this moment I feel thankful for,

Appreciating my ability to breathe, walk, sit, and communicate,

Believing in the power of my thoughts,

Contacting long-lost-friends,

Dear people in my life,

Enjoying nature,

Following my heart,

Giving the love (instead of expecting it),

Healing source within me,

Inquiring within,

Joyful moments,

Keeping focus on CHOOSING what makes me feel better,

Liking the “new way” I am dealing with the-not-so-like-able circumstances,

Meditating regularly,

Not complaining,

Offering gratitude prayers every morning,

Process of Self discovery,

Quite and still calmness deep inside,

Rejoicing in supreme security,

Smiling from my heart,

Trying to change my perspective about past, present, and future,

Understanding that ups and downs are default in life,

Victory over my energy-draining-thoughts,

Winning “such” little victories,

Xing (crossing) out “wants”,

Yielding while walking/driving, and

Zooming forward (with stronger faith).


To be honest, most of these experiences happen only “sometimes”. But since these experiences started from “hardly any time”, I guess I am thinking-in-the-right-direction.

I pray that all human beings start feeling more-and-more-thankful, under all circumstances.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Gunjan

Experiencing the Blessings of Constant Remembrance

Soul of this writing

This writing is about an eventful day of my life. That special day started off with an emotionally nourishing lunch with a close friend. As the hours passed, it turned into a stressful afternoon. Once the mishap happened, I allowed myself to be engulfed by the stress and tension trying desperately to rectify the problem. As a last resort, I remembered the divinity within and everything changed magically. I experienced a transformation instantly as my body relaxed, my heart smiled and the problem got solved.


Introduction

That was one eventful day of my life. I had had lunch at a fine restaurant with a very close childhood friend after 10 months. During our heart-to-heart conversation, we shared some of our old, new, good and bad experiences. After that emotionally nourishing lunch, I had gone for my physical therapist appointment at the hospital. There I was informed that I was healing great from my back injury.

Remembering all those pleasant events, I reached my daughter’s school about 20 minutes early. Since, I had some extra time I thought about walking down to a nearby store to buy some medicine.

Following my plan, I turned off the car and started searching for my cell phone inside my car. But to my own surprise, I could not find it anywhere.

Just then, another parent came up to say hello. I requested her to call up my cell phone using her own. She called up twice, but we could not hear any “ring” inside the car.

I remembered distinctly, that I had “it” with me, while I was having my lunch with my friend. After that, when did I use or see it, I simply could not think clearly.

Uneasiness begins with the search

I started feeling uneasy with the thought that perhaps, I had dropped my light-weight-sleek-brand-new-cell-phone either in the restaurant or in the hospital.

I decided to drive back to the hospital, which was nearer than the restaurant. During my 5 minute drive towards the hospital, I added fuel to the fire of my worrying-thoughts from each micro-meter-of-my-mind. I noticed that as I became more and more worried, my body resonated (in step with my thoughts) by tensing up more and more.

Once I reached the under-ground-electricity-lit-yet-dark-multi-level-parking-structure of that huge hospital, I tried to park exactly where my car was parked 20 minutes ago. But unfortunately, that parking space had been taken up by a “big car”. Therefore, I parked as near as I could and stepped out of the car.

Finally, in that ocean of cars, I spotted an elderly lady slowly walking towards her car. I requested her to call up my cell phone. I thought that could perhaps solve all-my-problems if I had (by any chance) dropped my dear-cell-phone near my old parking place. She helped me not only by calling up but also by bending lower to look under that “big car”. I felt inspired by her sincere efforts to help a complete stranger despite her grandma-like-age, frail-body and one-knee-surgery. I was touched by her kindness, as she bent down on the other knee (which was not hurting) on hearing that I could not bend down (to look under the car) because of my back injury. Even though her actions and intentions did leave a great impression on my heart, but they could not locate what I was searching for. I thanked her sincerely and scurried away.

I marched all the way to the hospital building main entrance, took the elevator going up and then walked out towards the physical therapy building. During those 7 minutes of rushed-walking I allowed my perturbing thoughts to blossom along with its fruits of anger and fear.

Once inside the building I looked around the waiting area, along the passage and inside the restroom. I went with my searching eyes to each and every place where I had been an hour ago. After that, I requested the receptionist to call up my-lost-cell-phone and to allow me to search for “it” inside the room (where I met the physical therapist). All those pleading requests, 3 desperate phone calls and my visibly worried face did not melt the heart of my cell phone to show up. With a heavy heart, I left a note detailing the description of my beautiful-cell-phone, along with my home phone number (to reach me) just in case they would discover “it” once I was gone.


Disgust increases as search continues

With this unsuccessful mission, I felt all the more disgusted. Following the same tedious path back, I reached the parking lot and with great hopes tried to peek under that “big car” (one last time) from very far away. But to no avail.

Driving back towards my daughter’s school, my logical mind started thinking about searching at the restaurant. It was my next and the last place for searching.

When I picked up my 9 year old daughter, she declared that she was very tired and hungry. Once I shared my pathetic story with her, she reluctantly agreed to be-a-big-girl and to help me find “it”.

We finally reached the sky-like-vast-parking-lot of the restaurant. My daughter hastily moved the front seats (of the car) back and forth with all her strength to get a glimpse of my “lost treasure”. But her hard work did not pay.

Standing there in that almost empty parking lot, I pleaded the 4th stranger (in half an hour duration) with the same request. She obliged, but nothing rang anywhere in that quiet-parking-lot.

Anxiety mounts up as search nears end

Then my daughter and I took fast steps towards our last ray of hope, the restaurant.

The hostess at the front desk was busy over the phone. The waiting time of 2 minutes seemed like hours. Once I explained her why I was there, she casually looked inside her over-crowded-lost-and-found drawer, while I anxiously breathed some shallow breaths. After a few minutes, I heard her saying that she could not dig out the “jewel” I was searching for.

The manager of the restaurant came around to help. He allowed me to search around the table, on which I had had lunch 2 hours ago. I found it 200% clean, minus my cell phone.

The waiter called up my cell phone on his own. Still, the “melodious ring” did not ring.

I left another note (like the one I left at the hospital) with the restaurant and expressed my depressed-heart-thank-you-with-a-forced-smile before leaving.

Reflection leads to calmness

Once back inside the car on my driver’s seat, I realized how much I had allowed myself to be anxious in that last hour. As a result, I was feeling physically tired and mentally exhausted.

During that reflection-time, it surfaced that, by worrying-worrying-and-more-worrying, I had CHOSEN to deprive myself of all those happy-thoughts gathered from the early afternoon. In that moment, it struck me, that I should have CHECKED those draining-and-exponentially-increasing-in-number-thoughts FROM GROWING.

I knew I had to do something different in that low-time. Therefore, I CHOSE to do what always works for me, i.e., Remembering Him (the divinity within).

Before turning on the car, I looked in my rear view mirror at my famished-dozed-off- daughter. I felt bad for her delayed snack and decided to let her take a nap. I started driving towards my 4 year old son’s pre-school. Her closed eyes provided me the-much-needed-opportunity to remember Him without any distractions.

What happened after that was something MAGICAL.

Even before, I could hit the freeway I felt my-body-relaxing-with-a-sense-of-ease, as I continued to remember Him with all my devotion. Before the next exit, all those-worrisome-thoughts had VANISHED. By the time, I took my exit, I even forgot about the most recent “mishap” in my life. I experienced a discrete change in my body reading from insecurity-to-security within those magical 15 minutes drive.

Calmness leads to healing

I picked up my son from his preschool and my daughter started narrating the RECENT MISHAP in her own-long-animated-story. To me, their conversation in the back seat was like the lawn-mower noise during my (occasional) day time mediation. I continued to use the-medication-which-was-healing-me, just the way I continue to meditate without getting distracted.

I realized that during the last leg (of driving), my body felt perfectly relaxed. The relaxation, I sometimes experience, after waking up with a joyful thought after a long, restful sleep.

Back into the real world

With the loud sound of the opening of the garage, I came back to the real world. The first question, I registered was from my son. He was inquiring about my plans regarding could-not-be-found-cell-phone.

I smiled at him and came out of the car. I picked up my home phone (from the garage steps) and as a last resort called up my friend (the one I had lunch with). I was wishing that my wishful-thinking would come true, that “it” went away with her. Unfortunately, the call went into her voice mail. I left her a detailed message, requesting her to call me up ASAP.

Following my heart in "search"

Since my home phone had been off the base for the whole day. I could see that it was in dire need of re-charging, just as much as my kids needed an afternoon snack.

Ignoring all those needing-charging-signals, I followed my heartfelt wish to call up my cell phone, one last time. On my dying home phone, I dialed the-most-often-called-phone-number-during-the-day, one more time.

But this time a MIRACLE happened.

The familiar-sweet-ring-tone of my cell phone started ringing from somewhere inside my car. That ring never sounded as AWESOME as it did in that moment.

We all jumped-me, my 9 year old daughter and my 4 year old son. My kids started clapping (while jumping) with excitement. Each one of us was screaming, “Found it. Found it. It is in the car. Found it.”

Just in that dramatic moment, my brave-home-phone crashed and it went absolutely blank. I kissed my dedicated phone, for taking away all my worries before SNOZZING OFF for the day.

Now, we knew that “it” was somewhere inside my-small-Honda-Fit. Even though, the surface area of my car was not large but in that moment it appeared, as if we were looking for a needle in a dorm full of hay stack.

Forgetting about their own hunger, my kids speedily brought out their lunch box, bags, tissue boxes, art and craft papers, jackets, just anything and everything from the trunk and the seats. But my-naughty-cell-phone seemed to be in great mood of playing hide-and-seek that afternoon. It continued to hide.

Then I sent out my 2 enthusiastic young soldiers, to request my neighbor to call up my cell phone. While they marched away on their bikes, I looked curiously at my mysterious car. I was wondering as to where could a silver-colored-cell-phone hide in the contrasting black-mats-and-seats of my car.

In that quiet moment, I followed my intuition and allowed my hands to pull out the only THING remaining inside the car. It was an empty white colored plastic “Wal-Mart” packet. That empty packet (with its open side facing the front seats) was lying on top of the mat directly under my daughter’s seat.

As I pulled out the packet, it did not feel as light as it seemed. When I pushed my fingers into it, they touched something cold.

“It” was THE long-lost-treasure.

My sleek-cell-phone was intact, one piece and was still-working perfectly.

Just then I saw my brave soldiers, my neighbor with her 2 year old son and her home phone walk towards me. They knew I had discovered “it” from the jubilant look on my face.

Re-charging all batteries

Once inside home, I served my kids their snack.

After that, I climbed upstairs towards the study to place my dear, dedicated home phone on its mother's lap (base of the phone) for re-charging.

Just in that instant, my home phone rang. I took the call from the speaker of the base. The phone call was from my friend. She was returning my voice message.

Even before, she could complete her sentence, I screamed out happily, “I found it.”
Then immediately asked her, “Guess what helped?”

She said, “Knowing you, it has to be God.”

And I replied, “Yes. You do know me pretty well.”

Understanding THE Experience

This experience happened about a month ago, but today when I look back, a lot of questions still remain unanswered. The most intriguing of all being, the one, as to why I could not hear my cell phone ring, when all those frantic phone calls were being made by those friendly-stranger-angles? This is striking, because the phone did "show" a long list of those missed-phone-calls.

But this and all the other questions need not be answered. To me, the only “lesson” worth learning out of this seemingly-long-ordeal was something I experienced first hand. It was the “drastic change” in my mind and body READING, the moment I started remembering Him.

I know that this “drastic change” cannot be described in words, it can ONLY BE FELT. But, in the following analogy, I am making a devoted effort to describe that divine-and-profound-change I experienced.

On a fine-shiny-clear-sunny-day, I was out for a casual walk in vast-open-field. Just when I was enjoying the fresh breeze and the warmth of the gentle Sun, suddenly, a heavy rain storm appeared from nowhere. When that happened, I felt frustrated and disgusted, because I was far away from my car and there were no trees, roofs or umbrellas to go under. The pouring heavy rain made me feel cold and wet. The slashing wild storm resisted me from walking towards my far-away-car. As a result, I started feeling miserable and exhausted.

But then something amazing happened in the moment I started remembering Him, calling Him devotedly. I felt as if an invisible umbrella appeared over my head instantly. That invisible-huge-umbrella kept on moving along with me. It protected me from the rain and the storm, while the rain storm continued. The pouring heavy rain drops could no longer touch me. The wild wind gently dried off my clothes. Plus, the fragrance of the freshly-wet-mud made my walk towards the car a joyous and a memorable experience.

To me, this analogy comes as close as it can to what I experienced, first hand, before and after remembering Him.

Assimilating the concept of Constant Remembrance

After this experience of losing and finding my cell phone, I feel that, I have ASSIMILATED the meaning of much-heard-and-read-about Constant Remembrance.

To me, constant remembrance is a different version of meditation. In this version, I do not need to make any commitment of time or place. I could be open-eyed with my body engaged in cooking, driving or any other mundane activity. All I need to do is to CONSTANTLY REMEMBER HIM WITH DEVOTION.

The result is His-security-blanket.

To me, this “special blanket” felt like my mother’s special-soothing-hug during some of my crying-trying-times.

While driving back from the restaurant to my home (via pre-school) on that eventful day, I feel, I was in THIS state of Constant Remembrance. The blessings appeared as a blanket of absolute security, which shielded me from all my worries, fears and frustration. So much that I started feeling all-relaxed-and-smiling.

To me, that dramatic experience was a simple and clear experiment, which “happened” to show me that His blessings DO get showered. Since, I experienced first hand how my un-ease-due-to-worries SWITCHED to ease-followed-by-remembering-Him. Therefore, I NOW believe in it with complete faith.

I feel blessed to have realized, that my-most-valuable-security-blanket is ALWAYS accessible to me, without involving any time delays or costing me any money.

Sincere Prayers

I pray that the next time, whenever I am worried, I am able to immediately move into “His Remembrance” without dissipating any energy on “worrisome thoughts”.

Perhaps, even better, for its promising blessings of heart-felt-smile and gentle relaxation, I think it makes perfect sense that I should make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to CONSTANTLY REMEMBER Him with all my devotion.

Acknowledgement

I thank the divinity residing within me for teaching me this profound lesson. I feel privileged to share this insightful-experience with all of you.

Devotedly,
Gunjan

Why do I need people to be happy?

I am sharing the answers to some of the questions I meditated upon. To me, these are difficult questions and I could only find answers during deep meditation. I believe they are true but difficult-to-follow-solutions.

Today I woke up with the thought that all knowledge is within and some days ago I woke up with an idea that all happiness is within. During meditation, I asked Him, if it is true then, why do I need classes (or teachers) for learning (or guidance)? Why do I need people to be happy?

What I heard while meditating is that if one’s connection with the divinity within is true then one does not need and classes or teachers to learn from. But most of the time it is not true with most of the people. Therefore it is needed by those people. I realized that it makes sense that I am myself getting these realizations after close to 4 decades of my life. All these years when I did not have this connection, even I needed classes and teachers. In other words, till the time I did not realize that ALL KNOWLEGDE IS WITHIN, I did need teachers. Now that I have found this precious-sacred-connection-with-the-divine-source, I have realized a teacher within. I trust that this internal teacher will guide me with the correct lesson or lead me to the “right person” who can effectively guide/help me. Just like my external teachers have guided me all these years.

Further, I need people in my life to teach me how to understand and assimilate these theoretical-abstract ideas conveyed by the internal teacher. The people around me are like the gadgets in a laboratory which helps one conduct experiments to verify the theoretical concepts from the text books. It is through trial and error an experimentalist verifies the theory, but finally he does accomplish it. Similarly, the people acting as gadgets help me verify the lesson given by the internal teacher. It is a struggle to conduct these experiments, but with a faith that the lesson is correct and the gadgets are as they are expected to be, I need to carry on the experiments with persistence. Once I will complete the verification of one lesson, the true happiness will follow.

Learning Physics while Exploring

For me Physics is happening everywhere all the time, it just needs those observing eyes to notice it. It could be while playing Basket ball or drinking water from the faucet.

With an aim to share this vision, I explored “speed” with my 9 year old daughter’s class. My intention was to make them realize that they can grasp the concepts of Physics, simply by using their own bodies, minds and things around them. Even though it was the first such activity with them, but I believe that this and similar exposures have the POTENTIAL of sowing the seed of “inquisitiveness” in their mind, just as it was sown in my mind (when I was their age).

When I was 9 years old, I had seen a simple display of generation of electricity from water (at my school’s science fair). That little display on a 12” x 24” cardboard spoke volumes to me (on that fateful day). Without my awareness, it sowed a seed-of-inquiry inside me.

For the next few years, I continued to enjoy studying Physics and Math. I enjoyed it so much that a bad teacher did not alter my interest.
However, that seed within me sprouted after 7 years, when I learnt Physics from a great Physics teacher in grade 12. That Physics teacher had (a) a deep understanding of the subject and (b) all the necessary skills to teach. He was a rare combination of knowledge and wisdom. Whatever he taught- the examples, the derivations and concepts are still with me, fresh in my memory bank. I thank him for providing the much-needed-water-and-the-Sun for my “seed-of-inquisitiveness”.
After completing all my education in one stretch and working for a few years in an industry, I started teaching at the local university. My aim was to share my joy of learning Physics. However, I soon realized that most of my adult students lacked clear fundamentals. In addition, because of their age they had developed a closed mind towards learning familiar-yet-semi-understood-Laws-of-Physics in a new way. I felt as if I were watering the leaves instead of roots.

Just then, I decided to take some time off to raise my new born son. During that period, I tried doing “Physics activities”, as a volunteering parent at my daughter’s private school(s). It was then that I observed something astonishing. It was that the simpler I made the topic and the lesser the number of gadgets I used, the more the students opened-up-their-own-minds-to-explore. Further, the students who were most active and probing were the youngest ones in elementary school rather than the ones in the middle school.

I continued to pursue this “interesting research” at my own home, with my 3 year old son and 8 year old daughter. I encouraged them to explore.

I noticed that my son DISCOVERED (on his own) how the size-of-his-shadow-decreased as he moved away from the source of light. While, my self-motivated daughter EXPLORED how the attractive-force-between-two-magnets-changed when she placed them on either side of her finger or the glass top of the coffee table.

After about 9 months of “research”, I was convinced that Physics is a language (just like English) which needs to be started at home or at the latest in early school, e.g., by talking about reflections from spoon or mirror (just like alphabets). This conviction was further verified when my 4 year old son suddenly started DISCOVERING “h” in birthday cards and the sign boards (after his teacher introduced this alphabet). It was proved that a SMALL EXPOSURE leads to HUGE AWARENESS.

As seen through my eyes, Physics is simpler than those complicated equations. It is more beautiful than the words that describe it in most of the text books. In addition, it is even more magnificent than those magic-tricks shown by most of the teachers to get a "Wow" out of students. From my limited experience, I think that even though all these traditional ways are important in teaching Physics, yet its-real-essence is not felt. I feel Physics needs to be observed, probed, analyzed and then assimilated. I believe that for a balanced and complete understanding, EXPLORING needs to be added to the existing techniques of teaching Physics.

I pray that the universe (through like minded people) will provide the “exposure”, “encouraging parents” and the “dedicated Physics teachers” for all ELEMENTARY SCHOOL students, lest they should shut their minds off-Physics.

With Dedication,
Gunjan

How do I deal with angry people?

I am sharing the answers to some of the questions I meditated upon. To me, these are difficult questions and I could only find answers during deep meditation. I believe they are true but difficult-to-follow-solutions.

What do I do when someone is angry at me just because he is short tempered?

This was one of the most trying situations, when someone around me would get angry at me (repeatedly) just because he is short tempered. All these years, in each situation, I used to reflect that anger back towards him by talking in the same tone. However, when I meditated upon this question, I heard a very convincing and peaceful solution to this turbulence creating situation.

I saw that I have a shadow each time I am standing in a well-lit room or in bright sunlight. In addition, the length of the shadow varied depending on the angle my body was making with the source of light.

Extrapolating it to something going on inside my mind, I saw that my true-Higher-Self was like my “body” and my high-thinking-Ego-self was like its “shadow”.

When someone is getting angry at me, I think he is actually behaving like a 4 year old child (who is) throwing a tantrum at a toy store. In fact to show his anger against me (his mother), the child starts running over and stomping on my “shadow”. But, I (as an adult), know that if someone is running over my shadow it is not hurting my “body” at all and can't help smiling.

Similarly, when someone is losing his temper at me, he is simply trying to hurt my high-thinking-Ego-self. During that process, my true-Higher-Self is actually separate and unhurt. My true-Higher-Self can never get hurt, just as the “body” does not get hurt when someone walks over its “shadow”.

Further, when he is getting angry at me, it is his high-thinking-Ego-self which is out of control, and not his true-Higher-Self. This explanation extinguished my anger against that person and instead, I was filled with pity for his lack of control over his high-thinking-Ego-self.

Just as the length of the “shadow” can be minimized by aligning one’s “body” under the source of light, similarly, I can minimize the role of my “high-thinking-Ego-self” by aligning myself constantly under His light. To the point it vanishes and only my “true-Higher-Self” manifests.

This clear vision really eased me out during the session, as I saw no obvious reason to get agitated by any body’s bad temper. However, I am still struggling to connect to my true-Higher-Self in that “agitating” moment when it happens. I pray that I get there sooner each next time.


Oct. 20, 2007

Exploring Speed

MOTIVATION

While teaching Physics at San Jose State University a few years ago, I realized that the majority of 18 to 22 year old students did not have clear fundamentals. I felt as if I were watering the leaves instead of the roots. Then, I remembered that I personally had got interested in physical sciences and exploring my surroundings right around the age of 9. After about 3 decades later, I feel that Physics is happening everywhere, be it at the basket ball court or at the water fountain.

As seen by me, Physics is simpler than those complicated equations. It is more beautiful than the words that describe it in most of the text books and much more magnificent than those magic-tricks being shown by teachers to get a "Wow" (out of students) at different levels of education. All these ways are important in learning the subject, but I think the “essence of physics” gets lost in the equations, the text books and the magic tricks. I feel Physics (or perhaps most of the science subjects) really needs to be observed, probed, analyzed, assimilated and believed. I believe that for a balanced and complete understanding, the fourth leg of "exploring the surroundings" needs to be added to the existing techniques of teaching.

Following my passion about teaching Physics in its-simplest-form at the "right age" and my intention to do something for the school where my 9 year old daughter is studying. I talked to my daughter’s class teacher and he thankfully gave me an opportunity to do something I had wanted to do for a long time.

AIM

My aim was to make some 9 and 10 year old students understand the concept of “speed” without expecting any prior knowledge about the topic or the mathematical expression (“speed = distance/time”).

INTRODUCTION

To accomplish this goal, I, my 9 year old daughter’s classmates and their teacher worked as a team of researchers.

We started out by talking about common observations on the freeways. How, we often see a car moving faster or slower than the other cars on the freeway. How the car which seems to be moving faster, crosses the approaching exit earlier than the other cars.

In addition we talked about the sign boards showing the speed in "mph" which stands for miles per hour. We discussed that the "mph" written on speedometer and on sign boards provided us a lot of information. Each one in our team was aware that “miles” is used when talking about the distance covered and “hour” is used when one is talking about the time taken to cover a certain distance. Therefore, we knew that somehow, speed was related to “distance” and “time”. “How”, was the question to be addressed?

To accomplish this, we (as a team) came out into the basket ball court. The students formed pairs. Then they picked up a bathroom roll (one for each pair) and a piece of chalk. Then they marked two straight parallel lines (using chalk) on the ground about two leg spaces apart. These lines became the start and finish lines for their experiments.

EXPERIMENT #1

For this experiment, one of the students got ready to start rolling the bathroom roll from the start line towards his partner (sitting on the finish line).

In the first half of this experiment, the student pushed the roll faster (i.e. with more force), while his partner counted 1,2,3,4,… and noted the count (in a notebook) when the roll crossed the finish line.

In the second half of this experiment, the same exercise was repeated, but this time the student pushed the same roll (from the same starting line) slower (i.e. with less force), while his partner counted 1,2,3,4,5,6,7… and noted that count (in a notebook) when the roll crossed the finish line.

At the end of this experiment, we all gathered together to discuss our observations. Everyone had similar results. We all agreed that to cover a fixed distance (between two lines), the fast moving roll took less time (lesser counts) than the slow moving roll. Everyone was convinced that the FASTER SPEED IMPLIED LESS TIME NEEDED TO COVER A FIXED DISTANCE.

Without their awareness, these 9 year old students had verified the inverse proportionality between speed and time.

EXPERIMENT #2

In the second experiment, the number of counts was kept constant (e.g., 4). This time the other student got a chance to push the roll from the starting line. While his partner got to do 3 things. The partner had (a) to speak aloud the counts till 4, (b) to mark the point (with chalk) at which the roll crossed the ground (at the end of the count of 4) and (c) to measure the foot steps between the starting and the marked point.

The student pushed the roll faster (i.e. with more force) and his partner marked the point on the ground where the roll crossed at the end of the count of 4. The partner also labeled it as “fast”. As a last step, he measured the number of foot steps between the starting and the point marked “fast”.

The same exercise was repeated by pushing the roll slower (i.e. with less force) this time. At the end of the count of 4, the student counting the “counts” marked the point as “slow”, where the roll crossed at the end of the count of 4. He then measured the number of foot steps between the starting and point marked “slow”.

When we discussed the results of this experiment, everyone once again had observed a similar pattern in their results. They all agreed that for a fixed time, the roll pushed faster (i.e. with more force) covered a longer distance than a slower roll. We concluded that FAST SPEED IMPLIED MORE DISTANCE COVERED IN A FIXED TIME.

Those bright and wise 9 year old learners had verified the direct proportionality between speed and distance.

CONCLUSION

We concluded that faster (in comparison to slower) implied that
(a) less time was needed to cover a given distance and
(b) more distance was covered in a given time.

This was the same as implied by “the much known” equation “speed = distance / time”.

It was a wonderful experience that day for me to able to make those 9 year old students grasp the concept of “speed” without using any equations, theory, demonstrations, gadgets or magic tricks.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I would like to thank Theodore (the teacher) for trusting me to do something “valuable and fun” for me. I would also like to thank each student for their cooperation and opening their “wisdom boxes” to explore speed. I appreciate Cheryl (the office administrator) for lending us those bathroom rolls.

WISHES

I pray that these students continue to “research and explore” things happening around them everywhere, by simply using their inherent-wisdom-boxes.

I wish that their parents/guardians provide them all the support in terms of time, space and encouragement to “nurture” a budding Newton in their family.

Happy Exploring,

Gunjan

Learning to Write "Happy Birthday" Note

My daughter on her upcoming 9th birthday wanted me to write something for her. I was lost and confused. I asked for His guidance, and thereby discovered a better way to wish "Happy Birthday". A way which only needs love and the ways to communicate it. I am thankful to my daughter for triggering me to discover this wonderful way. Here is what I wrote.

My dear daughter,

I wish you a very happy 9th birthday. I pray that He blesses you with the right thinking today and always. On your special day, I thank you for making me a mother and bringing out my latent better qualities.

As a baby, you changed my life through your trusting and surrendering ways. Thanks for that trusting look in your eyes. When you turned 1, as you struggled with your first steps, fell down and stood up again to walk, you demonstrated what determination can lead to. Thanks for exhibiting that inspiring determination. At age 2, in your own limited utter-able vocabulary, you described the world around you. Thanks for setting an example of creativity, especially for saying “hulla” for helmet.

When you turned 3, you constantly asked me simple questions out of your curiosity. Thanks for bringing out the teacher within me, to illustrate the difference between inside and outside. At age 4, you had started absorbing and pretending the world around you. Thanks for those precious laughable moments, when you pretended to give me a hair cut and offered me a lollipop at the end for “sitting so still” throughout the haircut.

When you were 5, you were no longer a baby. You would help me take care of your brother by passing me diapers and for making him laugh whenever he would cry. Thanks for being so responsible, helping and caring.

At age 6, you exhibited the saint within you by controlling your mind. When you were explained how pizza, candy, chocolate or cake (gluten) would give you itchy rashes, you never ever asked me again for any of those, be it at a birthday party, festivals or in a mall. I admire you for continuing to do what most adults find difficult to do.

When you were 7, you were confirming your leadership qualities. During the outdoor play, you demonstrated wise and smart moves by protecting yourself while not hurting the offender. I felt proud to be your mother for that and for shooing away the bullies (who were) troubling the younger, gentler kids.

At age 8, you had matured in a big way. I was proudly amazed by the way you explained your younger brother that all bags are same inside, whether it had a Superman, Spiderman or no action figure outside of it. It was a wonderful thought, which would put a lot of us adults to shame, for most of us shop for showing-off instead of basic needs.

I look forward to enjoying many more such joyful birthdays and the following eventful years with you. From my heart, I wish that all the happiness that you wish for, comes your way on September, 24th, 2007.

Blessings from your Mama,

Gunjan
September 23rd, 2007

Comprehending the Language of Love

ABSTRACT
A series of events took me back in time. During this visit, to my past, a new light illuminated my path. This light showed me how to deal with the regrets of the past, the correct way of remembering the lost love and then led me to discover a similar, secret love residing within me. I am enthralled by this process and share my heart felt homage to my mother (on her birth date, September, 22nd), remembering her(the way He has taught me) for what she taught and gave me.

INTRODUCTION
It was my husband’s nephew’s 13th birthday in Delhi, India. We had logged in for a video conference from our home in US (on the night of September 15th, 2007). It was a happy moment because he had just finished cutting the cake there. But, my mind drifted off to memories associated with the same nephew’s 2nd birthday celebration, 11 years ago.

VISITING THE PAST
Eleven years ago, around mid September 1996, I was extremely busy working hard for completing the thesis writing (for my Ph.D.) at IIT (Indian Institute of Technology) Delhi. The aim was to submit it by the end of September. Therefore, I was racing against time.

A lot had already happened in my personal life that year. I had gotten married 6 months ago and I was still learning to (a) enjoy my newly married life and (b) deal with the socializing and the responsibilities that come as a package with marriage in Indian society. I was fortunate to have a husband who was very supportive in his ways about winding up my work. However, the stress was way out of proportion. Another reason for that was my taking up a new job as a project scientist in the same laboratory (at IIT) within one month of getting married. To divide my day and energy into so many things, I used to sleep very late and get up very early in the morning to type my thesis (on the PC at my apartment). I used to be out during the day working in the laboratory, library, group room, going to the photocopier and PC room at IIT all 7 days of the week. I was physically and mentally exhausted.

I was aware that my mother was not keeping well, because each time I would call her up in between my nomadic schedule I was told (by others at home) that she either was resting or was outside. I was hoping that this sickness was like her other minor spell of sickness/pain, and that she would be back to normal in a few days. With no phone at my apartment, there was no way she could have returned my phone calls. During my last brief conversation with her about a week ago, my mother had clearly said she did not want to come and meet me because that would eat up my time. I wanted to visit her, but realizing the time pressure, I thought even if I would meet her it would be rushed and only for a little while. I thought it would be best to go and live with her for few days after submitting the thesis in September end, with a relaxed mind. Further, I knew I will be meeting her briefly on her birthday which was only a few days away (September 22nd, 1996).

Amidst all those harsh circumstances (for me), came this nephew’s second birthday party. It was a weekend but I was working all day, and somehow managed to reach their all dressed up in sari just at the party time (in the evening). Once I reached there, I started serving and carrying out conversations like a good hostess. While doing all that, I saw myself sitting right next to the phone surrounded by so many people talking to each other. I felt like calling up my mother but then stopped myself, as it did not seem to be the appropriate time and place. On one side, in my heart, I was longing to call up my mother, talk to her. On the other hand, my body was crying for a long undisturbed sleep inside a space ship on a far away planet (perhaps, Neptune), a planet where there would be no soul other than me. But there, I was, doing neither of them. Instead I was carrying out a conversation like other seemingly normal happy human beings (on this planet called Earth). Sitting there purely as a physical body, I was doing what “I was supposed to be doing”.

Then came the September 17th, 1996, I clearly remember it was a Monday. It was the cultural festival time at IIT. That night it was going to be Hasya Kavi Sammelan (a fun entertainment event for the complete family) at the campus. This was one event my parents had always looked forward to and had enjoyed with me the previous year. I was hoping to meet my mother that night. My husband got to talk to my father (at his office) about it during the day. My father told my husband that they will not be able to come for the event this year, since my mother was not feeling well. That night after a long day’s work, I went to watch the event for an hour after dinner. It was a refreshing change, but I was thinking about my parents who were sitting and laughing next to me during the same event the previous year.

After midnight my sister’s husband came and knocked at our apartment door. He informed us that my mother was in the hospital and he had come to take me along. When I reached the car, I found my sister sitting at the back seat of the car, with her head resting against the door. She was quiet. I saw uncontrollable tears rolling down her closed eyes.

While sitting next to my mothers still body, I was wishing (with conviction) that a miracle will happen and she will stand up again, may be for a brief time, perhaps one last time. But the miracle did not happen.

I took a week off from IIT. During that week, I felt remorseful. I regretted, as to why I did not talk to her, why I did not visit her. I found it hard to justify any reason for my inability to meet her, when I WAS USING some minutes and hours for lunch and sleep every day. I was full of REGRETS. I noticed during those days that nothing had actually stopped in the world around me (be it research at IIT or the birds chirping), when I took off for a week. I realized, I had allowed myself to be trapped in the world of pressure and commitments. I could not excuse myself for making the wrong choices. I realized then, that no work was worth disobeying the call of the heart. If only, I had taken a few hours off work and met her, listened to her, talked to her, held her hand the previous week, I would not have felt so regretful in that moment. I felt heavy under regret and sad within for losing one of my dearest.

However, the regrets and the sadness all sank down somewhere deep within me when I got back to my over-busy schedule the following week. I constantly kept on pushing down the regrets and the sadness. I told myself repeatedly that I have to fulfill my mother’s dream by completing and submitting this thesis. I allowed my mother’s thoughts to appear only as inspiration and pressed all others thoughts under ground. After a few months, I submitted the thesis and came to US with my husband (for his work).

BACK TO PRESENT
During that video conference, I felt like breaking down, remembering “those days” 11 years ago. However, I controlled myself from doing so till the video conference was over and the kids were tucked in. I found myself moving around listlessly, with no interest in talking or food. During those few hours, I felt like a balloon which felt tight and hard because it was full of water to its top. This self-imposed time delay seemed like a struggle, similar to that a child experiences while trying to put a knot on top of that balloon (which is full of water). I finally got a chance to break down inside the study. I felt loads of regrets pounding on my head along with the intense sense of loss of my mother and her love. It felt as if a dormant volcano of sadness and remorse had erupted.

LEARNING TO LIVE IN “NOW”
After calming down I sat down to meditate, still sobbing with tears rolling down my cheeks. I experienced a strange sense of comfort in that state. The tears rolling down the cheeks felt like sweeping off my grief, which had been buried inside me for the past 11 years. I sensed a soft, warm and mother like energy surrounding my closed eyes and stationary body.

During the meditation, I saw the picture of Angulimala, the famous dacoit and murderer who later became a Buddhist monk. I realized that if Buddha had allowed him to regret over the past, Angulimala could have never found his peace of mind. Buddha taught him to forget the past and to live in his present moment. Angulimala followed Buddha and started changing his “now”, the moment he had in his hand, instead of regretting about his past. This enlightening visualization blessed me with clarity.

I realized that Angulimala did the right thing and it surely did not make ANY sense to regret about the past be it for him or for me. SINCE I CANNOT UNDO MY PAST AND DO NOT KNOW ABOUT MY FUTURE, ALL I NEED TO FOCUS ON IS ON “THIS MOMENT CALLED NOW”, THE ONE IN MY HAND, THE ONE AVAILABLE, RIGHT NOW. Yes, I should gather the precious lessons from that past, but that’s it. That is the only role of regretful past, nothing else. Eleven years ago, I did not listen to His soft voice within me. In my heart, He was asking me to call up my mother during that nephew’s birthday (party) night but at that time I obeyed only my “answerable-to-people-and-pressure” voice. I should not have done it. Therefore, the profound lesson, from this past is not to prioritize anything above His voice, be it pressure from work, people, obligations or commitments.

The next morning, it was Sunday and I woke up with a clearer mind about looking at things a fresh. However, the sadness was continuing to linger on. During the morning meditation I realized that instead of being sad about missing my mother, I should remember her love the way she would have liked me to, the way I would like my own children to remember me when I am not there. I experienced a strong urge to write this writing about her, dedicated to her.

So here I am, trying with dedication, to make a sincere attempt to put in words, something which can only be experienced. That thing is my memories. A few of the sweetest, simplest and most touching memories of my mother-as a mother, as a person she was. My intention is to be able to describe simple, mundane, subtle yet some of the most significant and beautiful moments of my life. It is these memories which arouse within me the “the mother I aspire to be” each day.

MESMERIZING MEMORIES
My mother was simple, kind, generous and gentle in her ways. She was a loving mother to my eldest brother, my elder sister and me. I feel fortunate to have her as my mother.

My mother had studied child and teen psychology extensively in her under graduation (BA) and graduation (MA) coursework. This education helped her become a more understanding mother (as my friends used to say). When I was growing up, she would repeatedly say, “I understand it happens at this age”. With her simple straightforward words and gentle touch, she could ease me out of most of those turbulent moments. My friends used to envy me and would say that they wished their own mothers had studied Psychology. Now, when I look back after becoming a mother, I think the motherhood residing inside a woman has an enormous potential of elevating her from the level of human to be like God.

She was always available, waiting to hear from me and tell her own life experiences. She was there next to me all the time, even when others would not come near me for the fear of catching infections, be it a common cold or chicken pox. During my childhood, whenever, I was sick with severe cold and cough, she would give me mustard oil massages, touch me affectionately and even give sponge baths with the same affection (without expressing any fears of getting an infection). Now, when I look back, I feel she served her family lovingly, incessantly, like the Sun gives its sunlight all 7 days of the week, all year round, year after year.

During my examination time she would cook the food of my choice (in addition to regular cooking for the rest of the family) and serve it on platter at the right time as per my schedule. Now, when I look back, I think I took undue advantage of her simplicity and unconditional love.

She was always there with her love and delicious warm food when I (and my siblings) would return home from school/college. We would all have lunch together. Each day she would cook breakfast, lunch and dinner, all 3 different meals with no repetition of food groups, during the entire day. Now, that I am a mother I can truly appreciate how much love, dedication, physical and mental effort she must be putting in each day.

There were times when she would leave her food while eating and stand up to cook again as per my demands. This used to happen when I would throw a tantrum asking for roti (home made tortilla) and not rice (what she had served me). She would cook only rice sometimes to escape the heat (during peak summer time in Delhi, India) inside the kitchen. But little did she know that her youngest-child (me) would insist on her making a fresh roti. Now, when I look back, I feel I was very inconsiderate as a child as to make her stand in that sweaty hot kitchen, where the temperature of the body was nearly the same as the temperature of the hot pan on the stove.

She would give me all her boundless support and encouragement when my friends and relatives would tease me about my short height (5 foot). She would ask me to remember, that Gandhi (M.K. Gandhi, the father of India) was not tall, but still he was a great person. She would tell me time and again that, all that is needed in life is a strong character. Further, she told me that character has to be nurtured and cultivated with sincere efforts. Looks and height are God’s gift, beyond our control, but it is what we make of those gifts that matters. Till this day, I remember how my tears rolling down the cheeks would encounter an instant bowl (smile) on hearing those golden words. Now, I thank her for being there with me in each of these drowning moments and for successfully pulling me back up to the surface.

I also remember those cold wintry nights when our entire family and neighborhood would be watching a popular TV serial called “Hum Log” (a family serial in Hindi) inside the warm room sitting under comforters. In that extreme peak winter, my mother would be out there alone on the street, walking towards the far away bus stop. She would wait there for about half an hour, for my sister to come back in a bus after attending her night classes at university. When asked, why she would do that for her adult daughter, she said that she did miss the TV serial and the warmth of a room, but to her nothing felt enjoyable when her heart was worrying about the safety of her daughter (my sister) walking alone on those lonely, pitch dark roads. She thought (from), listened (to) and followed her heart. At that time, I used to tease her that she worries too much. But, now, that I am a mother myself, I fully understand, appreciate and respect her thoughts and actions.

She would call me up in my hostel (dorm) at IIT and talk to me regularly, especially when I needed it. She would give me all her moral support when I was going through a rough phase of facing resistances in getting married. My mother was the only person, who could make out over the phone from my silence, my unspoken words and unshed tears that I was feeling insecure and sad. She knew she could give me what I needed most in those delicate moments. She knew that I needed her words, comfort, presence, touch, food and simply her unspoken physical presence. And she was always right, each time I would feel the need, she would call me home and put her security blanket around me. That would shield me away from all my fears, insecurities and anxieties. Now, when I look back, I feel she was an epitome of love, which is so much like His love, the one within me.

She was happy and healthy in February, when she got me married in February, 1996. After that she had started falling sick frequently, on and off. But she would also recover within the next few days. The imbalance in the stomach or pain in the leg would leave her as fast as they would come. Therefore, in mid September, when she was not doing well, I was hoping that (like all those previous times) she would get back to normal soon. At that time, I was also making my long term plan, that once my thesis is submitted (by the end of the month) I would go and live with her for some days. In addition, I was looking forward to meeting her (though briefly), very soon, on the 22nd of September (on her birthday). Now, when I look back, despite my good intentions and great plans, time did not wait for me to meet my mother on her 55th birthday. The big lesson was that TIME DOES NOT WAIT for anything or anyone.

On the night of September 17th, when I finally reached my mother’s home, our home, a home where we had been nurtured by her every day and night, day after day. I entered the kitchen and found some de shaped and burnt rotis which had been tossed away. I also saw her stool in its place, on which she used to sit while making rotis, whenever she was uncomfortable standing. When I saw that sight, I could instantly visualize her stress, discomfort and frustration with the de shaped/burnt rotis while she was struggling against her body to make those last few rotis for her husband that night. My mother left this world after completing all her work for the day. For this reason, I would proudly call her a “karma yogi”. In literature, KARMA YOGI IS A PERSON WHO LEAVES THE WORLD DURING/AFTER PERFORMING HIS/HER DUTIES WITH DEDICATION. Usually, it is referred for the soldiers who die on the war front, but I think each human being who breathes his last while fulfilling his duties with dedication, whether it is making rotis in the kitchen or fighting for his country on the war front deserves to be called a karma yogi. My mother did not officially get the honorable farewell in tricolor flag of the country, but to me she was and will continue to be as great as a soldier who breathes his last during the war. To her I salute and offer my sincere homage and gratitude.

COMPREHENDING HIS LOVE
I know I can continue to write endlessly about those millions of simple, heart-warming, subtle yet memorable moments spent with my mother, which shaped my life and made me what I am today. But a few of those which I have written (above) and all the others which I could not, elucidate only one simple thing. That thing is a common element amongst love, motherhood, my mother’s love and His love. That common element is “GIVING”. I think it is for this salient characteristic of “giving for the sake of giving” that of all human relationships, mother’s love for her children has been referred to as the highest expression of human love, the only one which comes closest to His love.

I feel there is a conspicuous connection between my mother’s love (for her children) and His love (for the entire humanity). This is similar to the expected ideal connection one between Durga (a Goddess in Hindu mythology) and her devotees during and after “Durga Puja”. “Durga Puja”, is the most important festival in eastern India. Every year, during this festival a magnificent and huge idol of Durga is beautifully adorned and worshiped for 4 consecutive days. In eastern India, people are off from work and school during these 4 days. All they do during these 4 days is worship, pray, chant, sing and dance around Durga’s idol. After 4 days, that magnificent idol is immersed into the nearby river. I read it somewhere (and now I believe it to be true) that it signifies a hidden implication. The implication, being that during those 4 days, the devotees with their proximity to the idol, try to assimilate her image, grace, values, power and actions within themselves. This absorption helps them through the rest (361 days) of the year because thereafter, they no longer need her magnificent idol constantly around them for inspiration.

I have realized a similar connection between my mother’s love and His love. Now, I firmly believe that, He arranged my mother to deliver His love to me during the first phase of my life. After that He had been patiently waiting for me to find her love within (called as His love), instead of missing her love. However, it took me 11 years to realize this profound truth. I am now convinced that through her care and affection, my mother had simply demonstrated what His love felt and looked like. Now, that I am learning to comprehend His love within myself, I am recognizing her love within me. This perennial love will stay with me, within me forever. Just like Durga’s power and values live in her devotee’s heart long after the festivity is over.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I thank the one within my heart, from the core of my heart for three things. These are erasing my regrets, showing me the correct way to remember my mother and to discover her love within. I feel a deep sense of gratitude for learning these secret, heart-warming truths from Him and to be able to share them with you.

I would also like to thank Manjusree and Samrat for helpful discussions about Durga Puja.

With Sincerity and Dedication,

Gunjan
September 21, 2007

Empowering Answers for Difficult Questions-Part 1

I am sharing some of the answers to the questions I meditated upon. To me, these are difficult questions and I could only find answers (if any) during deep meditation. I believe they are true. However, they are hard to practice. I am myself struggling to follow them into my everyday life. I am sharing with a wish that perhaps, someone somewhere might benefit from these theoretical answers, while I am trying to figure out ways to follow them in my real life. The good news is that at least now I know the path towards the true goal, even though each step towards it seems to be intimidating.

Which is the correct value, attachment to money or attachment to people?

One of my close friend and her husband had an argument. One said that attachment to the people (family or friends or co-workers) is better whereas the other said that the attachment to money is more practical (in terms of the control of the flow of money). They asked me, who was right. I asked Him during meditation, and heard that both these attachments were wrong. There is ONLY attachment which is ALWAYS RIGHT, the one with Him (the divinity residing within each one of us). This is the only attachment which provides us the much needed infinite security all the time. All other attachments are wrong, because they are always associated with an inconspicuous insecurity, anxiety and fears. It is true that one needs people and money to survive and enjoy this journey, but still attachment to either of them is not correct.

September 11, 2007

Do thoughts have any power even before they become words or actions?

During early morning meditation I realized that my thoughts have tremendous power even before they become words or actions. As they arise in the mind, they come out into this universe of pulsating arrows as another pulsating arrow. All this is of course invisible to my open eyes.

My new thought sent out as a pulsating arrow comes across similar pulsating arrows propagating around them. However, they naturally get attracted to another thought (which is some one else's thought sent out as pulsating arrow into this common universe). This "newly found friendly thought" has similar characteristics to "my new thought" and they add up (in step or phase) such that their increased amplitude is the sum of the two. Their energy also increases in proportion to their amplitude. They continue to attract more and more similar arrows (friends) while propagating in this universe at a very fast rate and thereby continuously increase their strength in terms of amplitude and energy. The process is similar to commonly seen two water waves coming closer to interfere on the surface of the lake such that they create a wave with greater heights and deeper dips.

When the thought sent out by me was positive (like well- wishing, respectful, loving or full of gratitude), the positive energy grows exponentially and I feel elated. But if the thought sent out by me was a negative one (like hatred, anger, greed, ego, worry, fear or anxiety), the negative energy also grows exponentially and I feel mentally exhausted.

This growth was similar to a seed (initial negative thought) growing into a plant (secondary negative thoughts) and then to a tree (continuing negative thoughts) but at an extremely fast rate, like in few seconds. Now, all this is purely at the thought level popularly known as talking to oneself.

The moment they come out of my mouth (perhaps when I am sharing my thoughts with a friend or a good listener), they start making exact replicas (of that stage of thought) and continue their growth from that stage onwards in each one of those replicas. By sharing my worries, fears and tensions with others, I am simply multiplying a weed in my front yard to a jungle of weeds. However, when I am sharing my joys, happiness and well-wishing thoughts, I am creating a farm of blooming tulips, which is indeed pleasant to me and also to others.

All this was verified by looking back at my own thoughts and the resultant feelings within me. When I was worried, as I was all the time all these last 3 years about my daughter’s allergies, I was suffering anxiety and I had to herbal supplements to calm down my nerves. But now, simply with a change in my thought pattern as described in the writing “Listening to the infinite source” I am off all 4 pills I was taking every day and I feel much better in terms of my own health and anxiety. My daughter’s allergies have not changed or reduced but I have changed my thought patterns and therefore my life. The secret mantra is my belief that, “I trust Him to do the best for me”, which I think about all the time.

I thank God for this vision; I really need to put a smart sensor on each one of the thoughts that come out of my mind for my own sake.

September 12, 2007

Listening to the Infinite Source

ABSTRACT
I have experienced a conspicuous conflict between the two sources (finite and infinite) existing within me. The finite source is the logical mind which connects me to my inherent qualities of fear, anxiety, insecurity, confusion, worry, ego, greed and transient happiness. The infinite source is the divinity within which connects me to my inherent qualities of courage, fearlessness, clarity, standing up for truths, openness and perennial happiness. However, during a recent roller-coaster—ride-like experience, as a blessing I discovered the “conditions” under which one can tune to the divinity within. In this writing, I am making a sincere effort to honestly share the inspirational phenomenon existing in nature, a similar phenomenon realized within, the first-hand-experience and the recipe for listening to the voice from the infinite source.

INTRODUCTION
Recently, I attended a talk about nanotechnology. It started with a discussion about wave-particle duality existing in nature. That was the root idea behind this writing. Therefore, in the first part, I am trying to briefly elucidate this inspirational concept of “wave-particle duality” in simple words along with relevant vocabulary.

In the second part, I am making a sincere effort to share my personal experiences, honestly which introduced me to similar dualities existing within me. It is this powerful experience and the profound realization(s) which form the core strength of this writing.

In the third and the concluding part, I am sharing the lessons learnt and the recipe for listening to the voice of the divinity within.

However, if you are not interested in reading through the physics behind the inspirational concept, feel free to skip the first part. It is simply there to communicate the continuity in the flow of my thoughts and to draw analogy with nature. The heart of this writing consisting of personal experience, the lessons learnt and the realizations are all in parts II and III. So, I would request you to read through the last two parts with complete attention, and if possible without any distractions or breaks.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

PART-I

INSPIRATION FROM NATURE

Relevant vocabulary
Wave-It is a disturbance that propagates through space and time. It is conventionally represented as a continuous sine curve, with periodic high and low points.

Wavelength-It is the distance between any successive identical parts of wave, be it two high points or two low points.

Diffraction of waves-It is one of the basic characteristics of all waves. The bending of waves when passing around an obstacle or through a narrow slit is called diffraction. A common example of diffraction is bending of sound waves around the walls or buildings.

Wave-like characteristic-It is a de-localized phenomenon, something that is spread out in space and exhibits wave properties like diffraction.

Particle-It is discrete and exists at a particular location. Its energy is centralized into a finite space.

Particle-like characteristic- It is a localized phenomenon and can be touched or seen discreetly like a point.

Wave-particle duality
According to wave-particle duality, all matter has an inherent wave and particle nature. All matter includes everything from us human beings through baseball to an electron.

Further it says that the wavelength associated with moving matter is inversely proportional to its mass. This implies that smaller the mass of the moving matter larger would be its wavelength and vice versa.

However, in our everyday life experiences, we see ourselves moving around only as a particle confined within our bodies. We move around and act like particles. Therefore, we can see our inherent particle nature.

We are aware that we do not exhibit wave properties, like diffraction. But this duality implies that whether we can observe it or not, we have an inherent wave-like- characteristic associated with us. In our case we cannot observe the wave-like-characteristics because of our huge size, which is a cluster of millions and millions of atoms. The huge size leads to a large mass. This large value of mass leads to a very small insignificant value of corresponding wavelength associated with our bodies. This wavelength associated is so small that their wave effects cannot be measured even under a strong microscope leave aside observing it with our naked eyes.

However, electrons on the other hand are very, very small. They are so small that in size they are of the order of the size of an atom. Due to its small size, the electrons have a small mass and therefore a corresponding significant wavelength. The wavelength is big enough that its wave effects like diffraction can be measured under certain microscopes in a laboratory. In addition they absorb light like particles. Therefore, the electrons have been experimentally verified to exhibit both wave and particle characteristics under different set of conditions.

Conditions for observing wave-like characteristics of matter
In addition to the prior condition of small size, there is another condition to observe their wave-like-characteristics. The second condition is that the electrons should interact with obstacles (e.g., atoms) which are smaller in size than its own wavelength.

In other words, the conditions for observing pronounced wave-like characteristics of matter are that (a) its size should be very small and (b) the size of the obstacle (it is interacting with) should be smaller than its wavelength.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

PART-II

DUALITY WITHIN
I have experienced a similar duality within me. It consists of two sources (and their corresponding voices), one which is finite and the other which is infinite. These are actually not voices in the sense of sound but are more of a series of inaudible signals. However, I feel comfortable referring to these signals as voices for their clear and effective communication.

Finite Source
I feel that all these years (until recently), I had been tuning most of the time to this voice from the finite source or the logical mind.

I remember discreetly a “phase”, which started 3 years ago, when my 5 year old daughter had started getting “severe allergic reactions” from an exposure to some nuts and dust-mites present in the environment. Further, we confirmed from elimination diet and blood tests that the eczema she had had ever since age 1.5 was nothing but a “delayed allergic reaction”. The reaction showed up as a rash 3 to 5 after she had eaten some of the foods.

Following my finite voice, I started thinking and acting in a direction to save my daughter from this “trap” of allergies 24 x 7. I would discuss her “problems” with parents having similar issues. I started using filtered water for drinking as well as cooking and replaced non-stick cooking utensils with stainless steel.

I took her through a series of allergy specialist(s), nutritionist(s), homeopath(s) (both in India and US), chiropractor, Chinese herbal specialist and a naturopath for a “possible” cure. During those 3 years, I religiously followed their advice. I introduced new foods to her diet and studied her body very scientifically. I would observe her body each morning to collect an extensive “data” and plot them on a pictorial graph to discuss each symptom in depth. The process was simply tedious and depressing. But, I was in this “warrior” phase to get my daughter cured. Some of these treatments helped a little, which made us happy because we could re-introduce some foods back in her diet. However, the happiness was definitely a negligible fraction (1/1000) of the amount of money, stress, and effort that went into the process. It was a vicious cycle with each trial. At the beginning of each process, I would feel very hopeful but as the treatment proceeded, the results appeared more like a “damped oscillation” curve and my happiness followed the curve to its minima. By the end of each treatment, I landed up becoming more worried, fearful and anxious about her food, growth and severe allergic reactions (than at the beginning). It affected my own health in addition to imposing a physical, financial and emotional stress on the complete family. I was in a constant state of “restlessness”.

Recently, I realized that during this “warrior phase” I was only listening to my finite voice. As a result, I had entrapped my self in severe anxiety. Perhaps, the steps I took were the most logical thing to do at that time, but definitely they were not the “right” things to do. I know for sure now.

Infinite Source
The other voice, within me is from the infinite source. I can also call it as the voice of the divinity within. I realize now, that all these years of my life, it was constantly there, but I did not pay much attention to it. I remember encountering it only during some “phases” of my life when its signals, voice and the corresponding force were profound.

When I look back, there have been several incidents like cooking a meal for a sick friend, speaking from my heart, apologizing in public for being impolite to a classmate or speaking up for a friend where listening to the voice of the infinite was the obvious choice, without any confusion. It gave me an instant gift of contentment and relief.

In the last few months, during my “timeout” in bed, I started paying attention to the infinite voice’s subtle signals and after so many years “allowed” myself to follow them (subtle signals) without any fears. However, I would like to share a very recent incident where following this voice was not so easy.

Recently, I experienced a strong urge to speak (a specific) truth from within. The urge was to go and tell my ex-boss about the “lie” I had said (to him) 6 years ago. I would like to briefly introduce the history behind this story before actually sharing the complete roller-coaster-ride-like story.

Ten years ago, I had moved to the bay area (US) after completing my Ph.D. in India (1997). Once here, I worked for a small company for about 4 years. During that duration, my daughter was born. When she was 2.5 years old, I realized that I really needed to change my place of work. However, I was not comfortable resigning from that position without having found my next anchor. Further, I was not clear where to go or what to do. To find answers to these questions, I knew I needed the day-time. During that “unclear” phase, my daughter came down with fever and I took some time off. I conveyed the message to my boss that I would not be able to show up because my daughter was sick and, I continued to use that as an excuse for the next 5 months (without any feeling of guilt). I met people from different professions and decided to explore teaching physics at the university. Once, I got the appointment letter in hand, I finally resigned without disclosing the truth behind that “little lie”.

After nearly 6 years, recently, I experienced this strong force to uncover that “little lie”. In the following writing, I am making a sincere effort to share “that conspicuous battle” between the two inner voices.

Right from the very beginning, the voice from the finite source justified the reason for my lying, the irrelevance of my trying to speak the truth (now, after 6 years) that to, to the person I do not need to ever see again in my life. In addition, it asked me the difference it would make to my ex-boss. It kept on coaxing me to dismiss the whole idea as “nonsense”.

However, the voice from the infinite source urged me with its profound force to speak out the truth 24 x 7. It kept on encouraging me like a “well-wishing parent” to call up my ex-boss and to speak the truth only “for my own sake”.

One afternoon yielding to the voice of the infinite source, I dialed my ex-boss’s cell phone number. He picked up the phone and told me he could talk to me for a minute. I told him I wanted to see him for about 5-10 minutes, maybe at the nearby coffee shop. He replied that he was going to be busy for the next 2 months and asked me to write an email about it. Somewhere, I experienced a strange sense of “fearlessness” just by making that phone call.

I wrote an email to him the same evening. The next afternoon, when I checked the email I got his reply that he will call me up whenever he is driving by the chosen venue. I felt disappointed. I felt that the “strong” urge that I had, would perhaps, die by that time. At that very moment my phone rang. It was the call I had been waiting for.

During my drive, the voice from the finite source pressed me again with its discouraging thoughts and fears. It asked me if I knew the right words to speak or what will be my ex-boss’s opinion about me?

Just then I heard the voice of the infinite source loud and clear. It reminded me of my past experiences where I had been able to convey the truth effectively without any “nice” words or “well-rehearsed” sentences. In addition it reminded me the purpose was “for my own sake” and told me to ignore thinking about others opinion as that was irrelevant. I locked the car and walked towards the coffee shop with those “secure” thoughts.

When I reached the coffee shop, we briefly talked about our common acquaintances and without wasting any minutes I poured out my truth. He accepted it gracefully, saying it was not needed to lie at that time. I was surprised to hear his remarks, but immediately my focus shifted to the childlike happiness inside me. While I was walking back towards my car, I almost danced on the street. I clearly felt much “lighter” and “cleansed”. That day, after a long time, I experienced something bigger than happiness. I had a very content sleep in the night.

The next morning, I shared the pleasant experience with my husband. While I was finishing my sentence with the still-lingering exuberance, I started feeling disappointed looking at his reactions and listening to his words. In that moment, I felt very disheartened, confused and lonely.

In that state of mind I meditated for a long time to find some answers. I wanted to know whether I did the right thing or not. In addition for the first time I prayed to the divinity within me to tell me or my husband, whoever was incorrect, to do the needful correction. I knew for sure that it is the same divinity residing inside each one of us. Therefore it can clearly communicate anything to any one of us, anytime. With this faith I kept on repeating the question and the prayer alternately, till I heard the answer(s).

I got the answer for the first part immediately. Through some examples of old memories, I heard that when weighing something, one should ONLY trust one’s own weighing machine and nobody else’s. To me it implied that, I needed to continue to keep up my firm stand about my own truths.

When I had clamed down with this clear message, I logged on to start my day (after 12:30 pm) by checking my emails. To my utter surprise, I got an email from my husband apologizing for his reactions and words in the morning. That was one clear signal to me from the divinity within that I was correct. It felt like a clear victory of my faith.

To speak the truth was definitely the right thing for me to do, even though it was not the most logical thing to do.

Conditions for listening to the voice of the infinite source
I am able to hear the voice of the infinite source clearly when ever I pray for its guidance (a) in complete trust and (b) ONLY for my needs. I can never hear the voice of the infinite source for my wants.

Presently, I am in this process of learning to distinguish between my “wants” and “needs”. However, even at this “learner’s stage” I can see that to resolve my daughter’s allergies was and is NOT A NEED.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………….............

PART-III

CONCLUSION
Similar to the wave-particle duality, I have discovered a duality within me consisting of an infinite and finite source.

The voice of the infinite source connects me to my inherent qualities of courage, fearlessness, clarity, standing up for truths and openness to name some. These qualities help me find SIMPLE solutions for confusing problems. It makes me feel peaceful with a sense of joy. It is crystal clear now, that whenever I would connect to the true infinite source within, only then I would receive true and perennial happiness.

The voice of the finite source connects me to my inherent qualities of fear, self-doubt, anxiety, insecurity, confusion, worry and ego to name some. It leads me through vicious loops of “what ifs” and therefore to a state of mental chaos. When the source is finite, it makes sense (now) that the choices and solutions it offers were and will always be limited, fluctuating and shallow. It is foolishness to expect infinite happiness from the finite sources.

In the story about “my daughter’s allergies”, all through those 3 years I had been desperately fighting with her allergies obeying the voice from my finite source. Being in a state of desperation was clearly incorrect, but somehow I did not register it then, perhaps, because I was only looking at its “negatives”. Now, I prefer to look at its positives. To mention some of its positives, I have realized that now, even a common sight of a physically handicapped person (on his wheel chair) crossing the road fills our heart with gratitude for what we have and what we can do. This common sight now makes us feel that our health problems (back pain for me and allergies for my daughter) are very insignificant when compared with others. In addition, last year we bought a brand new townhouse to ease out her allergies. It is truly helping all of us with its “hygienic” living conditions because we no longer have to deal with (a) carpet (with its microscopic germs) and (b) the periodic repairs/replacement of the structure /appliances. Last but not the least it is her allergies which led us to her present school where the dedicated teachers lay a lot of emphasize on spiritual growth. I have now realized that we may not be able to alleviate her allergies, but we can certainly change our attitude towards it. There is a time for everything in life and right now it is time for this “phase”. We should feel happy that this “phase” is happening now, when we can deal with it better. It is possible to control the school environment in a small private school but it would have been harder to do so 10 years later, when she would be in college. We need to start making a conscious effort in correcting ourselves and others from thinking and talking negatively about this “phase”. We should only count its blessings with a faith that it is leading us somewhere, for our better.

In the story about “speaking the truth”, I think, I can now understand why my husband’s words were in resonance with those of my own voice of the finite source (when I was driving towards the coffee shop). The truth is that the voices from the finite and infinite sources in all beings connect to similar inherent qualities. The discovery of this simple truth has greatly simplified the complicated picture. My husband’s words (like mine) came from his finite source. I felt disheartened because in that moment, I listened to my finite source's reaction. It is only when I heard my infinite source (during meditation) that I felt calmer. Further, it was my husband’s voice from the infinite source which urged him to email me an apology. It is amazing that to comprehend this simple truth, I had to undergo such a roller-coaster-ride-like-experience. But now, when I look back, I think, it was much needed for its profound lesson and deeper absorption.

I find a striking similarity between the conditions for “listening to voice from the infinite source” and for “observing wave-like characteristics of matter”. The “ABSOLUTE TRUST IN THE INFINITE” amongst human beings is analogous to the basic condition of “small size of matter”. The second condition of “SEEKING THE DIVINITY WITHIN ONLY FOR NEEDS AND NOT WANTS” is similar to the proper condition on the “size of the obstacle to be smaller than the wavelength of matter”. The important point is that, both of these situations which are not so apparent under ordinary circumstances, CAN BE experienced/observed under “proper” condition(s).

Further, my belief, that I can hear the voice of the infinite source in complete trust only for my needs (and not for my wants) makes me draw another important inference. The inference is that if I keep on working to reduce my entire spectrum of wants to my very basic needs, then perhaps one day, the divinity within will guide me all the time. I think this is a neat inference, definitely worth pursuing.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………….............

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I thank the divinity within for making me experience these pleasant and not so pleasant events. It is following this path of roses with its thorns that makes me feel good within about what I am realizing and becoming. I feel blessed to be able to (a) listen to “the subtle and profound signals” of the infinite source and (b) share these insights with all of you.

In addition, I would like to thank Dr. Kathryn Moler of Stanford University for her inspiring talk on nanotechnology and helpful phone discussion.

With Much Gratitude,

Gunjan
July, 2007

Changing Inside to Change Outside

ABSTRACT
I have realized that the desired change in my environment can be brought about only by changing something inside me. To understand this simple truth I got an inspiration from nature. Initially, I felt a resistance within me to change my thought patterns, reactions and the following actions. However, I persisted and performed experiments on learning to open my mind to listen and to change the attitude towards pain. I have already been blessed with the gifts of happiness in my family and life without painkillers. I take this opportunity to put forward an experimentally proven new law to bring about changes in everyone’s life.

INTRODUCTION
Since this writing is about the “inertia to change” within me, in the first part I would like to start with the key word inertia, which initiated the thought process. In the second part, I would like to discuss an enriching lesson learnt from nature. In the third part, I would like to share two of my personal stories about recognizing this “inertia to change” within me, the inner struggle in overcoming it and the rewards received by making that effort. In the fourth and the last part, I conclude the writing by putting forth a new law which promises to change the world around each one of us.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
PART-I

INERTIA
One day after returning from school, my 8 year old daughter was talking about the lesson on “inertia” in her science class. She was enthusiastically telling me about the “inertia of rest and motion” and their common examples. While she was speaking about it with all her animation, it was in that moment that I realized a familiar, “inertia to change” existing within me. Before, moving on with the main story, I would like to share the thoughts as they propped up on my mind.

In the English language, the term inertia means the opposition or resistance offered by an object or a body.

A common example of inertia of motion is what every car driver experiences while trying to stop the car suddenly. The body gets a forward jerk as it continues to move forward with the speed of the car, even after the car stops. If one is not wearing a seat belt, he would hit the windshield. This state in which the body continues to move forward, even after the car is stopped is called the inertia of motion.

A common example of inertia of rest is something most of us experience on a cold winter early morning. What I experience on such a day is my struggle to come out of the warm comforter. The alarm clock rings and I turn it off. I stay back inside the comforter for another 5 to 15 minutes. In those 5 to 15 minutes, my mind is aware that I need to come out else I would get late. But during the same duration my body is in a state of inertia. It is resisting the change, to get out of that state of rest and warmth. This state of the body where it resists coming out of the bed is called inertia of rest.

However, while listening to her along these lines with similar examples, what surfaced up on my mind was another inertia called inertia to change within me. Looking back over the past few years, I feel I was like a closed bud or a frog living inside a well. I was not open to changes, ideas or criticism. If anyone would try to criticize me or my work, I would get upset with that person. I refused to bring about any change in my train of thoughts, choice of words or line of action. I felt (from my limited point of view) that I was absolutely correct. I had this “I am right. I cannot do anything wrong.” attitude. It could be due to my ego (which I thought was pride and confidence), immaturity or most probably inertia to change.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
PART-II

LESSON FROM NATURE

Observation
Recently, during my morning walks I started noticing a “special” plant. Although it is a very ordinary plant, seen everywhere, I call it “special”, because it has been a great source of inspiration to me.

I noticed that every morning when I saw this “special” plant from a distance (of about 2 m), it seemed to be having these “little shiny pearls” studded on top of its long spread out leaves. But each time, as I walked closer towards it (to right in front of it), the pearls magically turned into “ordinary water drops”. Then as I started walking further away (about 2m in the opposite direction) from the plant (with eyes on the plant) the “ordinary water drops” turned back magically into “pearl”.

To re-confirm my observation, I walked back (to my starting point) and repeated the observations at least two times each morning. I noticed that each time the pearls did change to drops and then back into pearls at those three points of observation. I was really impressed with this consistent early morning magic trick of nature.

I realized that in this case of study, the plant, the water drops and the source of light were unchanged and untouched. With all these parameters kept constant, the pearls changed to ordinary drops and vice-versa with a change in my angle of observation and the distance from the plant.

Inference
Just with a change in the angle of my observation, I could see ordinary water drops turning into beautiful pearls.

That implies that, if I observe a given circumstance in my life with a different angle or attitude, it can actually change what I am seeing or experiencing.
………………………………………………………………………………………………..
PART-III

MINDS-ON EXPERIMENTS

#1 - Opening my mind to listen
My small family consists of myself, my husband, my 8 year old daughter and 4 year old son. I feel our life would have been much simpler if we were all leading an independent life in separate (if possible adjacent) homes. That way we could all be together for all the fun activities done under one roof and yet not interfere with each other’s characteristic qualities. But it is not so, the fact is we are all living as a family under one roof with this constant mutual interference from each members characteristic qualities. For example, I am a strict mother with a “Limited-TV-Viewing-Quality”. My husband, who is very particular about cleanliness, has this “No-Mess-Anytime-Quality”. My 8 year old daughter, who is very direct with her words has “No-Humble-Words-Quality” and my 4 year old son who is very sensitive has” Showers-Of-Tears-Any-Time-Quality”.

I would like to talk about my inertia to change “Limited-TV-Viewing-Quality”. I am not a TV person. In my opinion, it is a sheer waste of time. I prefer to read some good books, write something or spend some good time with people instead of watching “not-so-interesting-shows” on TV. Even for an update about news, I prefer to read the newspaper. It allows me to directly read the news I am interested in. As a result, I use TV only to watch DVDs of some classic shows, movies or to listen to my CD’s (using TV’s speaker).

But in my family, the other three members are all for TV and are very discontent with my “Limited-TV-Viewing-Policy”. Given a choice they would watch TV all day, be it eating, drinking or relaxing time. I am very opposed to their idea of “TV-TV and-TV”. I think we get very few chances to eat a meal together in a day and we should make the most of that opportunity by sharing our experiences with each other instead of shoving food in our mouth with our eyes glued on the TV.

I was very strict about the TV watching time of my kids. I thought that it would strain their eyes, especially after a long day of reading, computers (sometimes) and HW. I really felt uncomfortable with the idea that when the kids come home they sit down to watch TV in place of interacting and playing with each other. I used TV as a babysitter when I was sick or I had something urgent to take care of. On the weekends, I would allow the kids to watch TV one or two times a day for a span of about 30 minutes each.

I knew that behind my strict policy, my intentions were noble for the welfare of my children. But at the same time, I had been sensing (for some time) that my children and their father did not agree with me. I felt this constant resentment from them sometimes in clear words and sometimes as grumbling. So each time this topic of “More-TV-Time” came up, there was this visible sense of discomfort in my body and a corresponding sad look on their face.

However, with this new inspiration from my morning walk, I realized that I needed to change my attitude in an attempt to find a possible solution which would make all four of us happy. I felt, I needed to be more open minded. I remembered that when I was teaching at San Jose State University, I would take a mid-term feedback from my students in an attempt to improve my communication with them. I did not believe in waiting for the traditional feedback (from the students) at the end of the semester. According to me, the traditional feedback might help a teacher change things for the next semester, but it would be too late for any possible changes for the students in the present class. My aim was to hear their discomforts (if any) about my teaching and grading styles. With these memories, I realized that at my place of work, I was very open to criticism. Perhaps, because I understood that it was necessary for my professional growth. In that moment it struck me that in the same way, I should be equally open to criticism from my family too. I needed to grow as a wife and a mother too. Wisdom and growth are perennial. I felt I really needed to change something(s). I knew I needed to encourage them (especially my children) to speak their thoughts openly and honestly instead of grumbling. Just with these thoughts of openness, I started feeling really good.

I realized, perhaps all these days, I was being too stubborn, too closed minded and too rigid. I felt, I needed to overcome this resistance from within to change (inertia to change) and be more open to their TV watching time. This introspection gave rise to a conflict between my ideals to raise my kids and their semi-verbal complaints. I had to explain myself that each one of us is different. For the first time it occurred to me that just because I do not enjoy watching TV does not mean that my kids should dislike it too. In fact, what was happening as a result of this restriction was exactly the opposite. I remembered that when I was growing up as a child, I watched TV almost everyday partly because it was Ok with my parents and partly because I liked it. It is only after growing up I realized the benefits of not watching too much TV. I should perhaps hope that at some stage my children will realize the same themselves. But until then, controlling too much may make them more and more resentful, unhappy and rebel. Perhaps, I need to find a balance between too much and too less TV watching for them. Perhaps, I should let them watch more TV on the weekends. Perhaps, even on some weekdays, when they do not get any HW. Perhaps, I can use it as an incentive for them to keep their books back in the shelf (after reading), or to hang their wet towel properly (after the shower). Perhaps, doing this will save me from nagging them continuously to do the same.

I do plan to introduce some changes in my “Limited-TV-Viewing-Policy” soon, hoping somewhere that the other three members may follow me to modify their own stiff ways.

However, I do sense that even with these good intentions of opening my mind, like any other transition might not feel very comfortable to me. As a back-up plan, I am thinking that if their TV watching continued to bother me in my room upstairs, I should just call up a friend to talk or just step out for my sanity walk.

#2 - Brain over pain
In the last few months, I experienced a wide variety of physical pain which restricted me from carrying out most of my regular activities. I realized after this new inspiration that, I do have several choices to summarize these recent ongoing painful experiences.

I could describe it as a very hard and painful time. This is the most generic and well-accepted description of such a state.

I could also call it as an enriching experience. During this pain, I felt that I was experiencing one of the universal truths. This pain connected me with a lot of people from all possible backgrounds. It really touched my heart when most of my children’s teachers or a customer service person stopped by to reveal their own personal stories about similar experiences. It made me think that how come the same set of people never shared their happy stories with me when they saw me happy. What is it that made these acquaintances and strangers open up their heart when they saw me limping or having a hard time getting into or out of the car? I realized that perhaps, just like kindness and compassion, pain is also one of the powerful UNIVERSAL BONDS which connects all human beings.

However, in this new light, I would prefer to call this painful experience as a “time-out” from the divinity within (which I refer to as He) to reflect on my actions. This “time-out” seems to be similar to the “time-out” I give very frequently to my own children. I usually give them “time-out” whenever I see them doing something inappropriate. During that duration, I tell them to calm down on a chair and to reflect on the reason which led them to this situation. Similarly, perhaps, He has no intentions to make me suffer; it is His way of telling me that I was not thinking or heading in the right direction at that point of time. This experience seems to be something like opening the “soda bottle” of blocked energy in my mind and body. Perhaps, He is trying to put my focus on things which would not have come to surface otherwise, but are the hidden truths I should understand NOW. Perhaps, He wants me to tap out some of my latent talents and energies. Perhaps, I should appreciate each moment and my gratitude for what I can do instead of complaining about what I cannot do or don’t have.

I realized that when I started thinking about “pain” with this changed attitude, the same experience looked like an opportunity instead of a problem. I noticed how my energy shifted towards something positive and the pain (even with the same intensity) did not hurt as much. I started feeling content instead of feeling sad with the same intensity of pain. Further, I noticed that I could do without pain killers the day I constantly remembered Him and my good old healthy days. That day, in place of the regular pale yellow color on my face, my friends noticed a glow. Thanks to this change of attitude. For all these rewards, I am inspired to overcome my inertia to change starting now.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
PART-IV

CONCLUSION
This openness in my mind to listen to others words and ideas is doing me a lot good for my inner growth. Now, I do not feel so comfortable about rejecting others words, ideas or criticism. If I do that, I feel I am shutting myself inside a closed room. With this open attitude (which was previously open only for dear friends with resonating thoughts) for everyone, I feel I have started looking through the pin hole of the door on hearing the knock at the door. Now, when I look back at all the years, I feel that I had been choosing to ignore the knock at the door. Now, I have started running comments from all people (like minded and not like minded) through “may be” and “may be not” filters in place of filtering them only through the latter.

I am now getting more aware of my thoughts and acknowledge my first reaction. Then I give myself a second chance to choose a reaction which will most probably be different from my first habitual reaction. I am enjoying this new adventure of discovering other possible reactions which can come out of me. It gives me a sense of openness, joy, a sense of mental liberation and ease to my body. I realized with this openness, I have become more respectful to certain people, I was previously not.

Therefore, according to me, there is a significant Law of Inertia to Change for all human beings. According to this law, every human being continues to resist any change in his thoughts (and therefore to words or work patterns) until he reflects on those thoughts and makes a conscious effort to change them.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………….
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
I would like to thank Him for helping me in understanding these profound lessons and using me as His instrument to make this writing happen.

Special thanks to my friend Theodore Timpson, for his critical comments.

With Gratitude,

Gunjan
May, 2007