SEQUEL TO "SEEKING HAPPINESS FROM RELATIONSHIPS" [AUGUST, 2007]
(http://surrenderlistenandgive.blogspot.com/2007/08/seeking-happiness-from-relationships.html)
Yes, till the time I was not cleared off from all the impressions I had (without my awareness) towards each person in my thoughts/life, I could not be calm or present.
Whether it was my subconscious guilt that I could not meet my mother before she left the world, or the suppressed feelings I had for a boy I had met at teen age when I was not-supposed-to-have them, the pain and helplessness witnessing family tension as a young child or the continuing lack of self-expression as an adult with the husband or with boss at work. Unless, each pain was healed and the impression was removed, I was glued emotionally to that person/interaction much like, iron-filings on a magnet. No matter how many books I read or to how many people I justified my pain; nothing helped. The only thing that helped was the Grace.
Circumstances led me to seek God, overcoming my "pleasing-and-seeking-permission-from-people" impression. I was feeling hurt, physically, emotionally and financially and it was the emotional stabbing which made me cry for 3 days and 3 nights and call God to ask Him, "What did I do wrong?" [August, 2007].
I started meditating and started tuning into my heart. Thus began the healing, full of tears which cleansed my suppressed love, guilt, silence and frustrations... to name some feelings.
After almost 6 years, I am complete with my past and feel reborn. During this duration, I swayed, called God in miseries/bigger miseries and drifted my thoughts away from God in my moments of bliss. Now, I am choosing God as my guide, work (https://sites.google.com/a/followthyheart.org/followthyheart/) and goal.
I am with the same people - yet detached, seeking all from God and letting go of what is not coming through.
Its a wonderful place with an incessant love within; the love I was ignorantly searching outside from people.
Joy is right here, right now breathing inside me wherever I am and is being shared with whoever is in front.
My thoughts were my weakness, they would lead me astray towards my desires, next moment or the past. Thoughts still arise and try to lure me away. But, whenever I realize this, I call God to uplift my soul to Thee.
With pride and joy, I announce - I love GOD :))
***
Aum Tat Sat (God is Truth)
(http://surrenderlistenandgive.blogspot.com/2007/08/seeking-happiness-from-relationships.html)
Yes, till the time I was not cleared off from all the impressions I had (without my awareness) towards each person in my thoughts/life, I could not be calm or present.
Whether it was my subconscious guilt that I could not meet my mother before she left the world, or the suppressed feelings I had for a boy I had met at teen age when I was not-supposed-to-have them, the pain and helplessness witnessing family tension as a young child or the continuing lack of self-expression as an adult with the husband or with boss at work. Unless, each pain was healed and the impression was removed, I was glued emotionally to that person/interaction much like, iron-filings on a magnet. No matter how many books I read or to how many people I justified my pain; nothing helped. The only thing that helped was the Grace.
Circumstances led me to seek God, overcoming my "pleasing-and-seeking-permission-from-people" impression. I was feeling hurt, physically, emotionally and financially and it was the emotional stabbing which made me cry for 3 days and 3 nights and call God to ask Him, "What did I do wrong?" [August, 2007].
I started meditating and started tuning into my heart. Thus began the healing, full of tears which cleansed my suppressed love, guilt, silence and frustrations... to name some feelings.
After almost 6 years, I am complete with my past and feel reborn. During this duration, I swayed, called God in miseries/bigger miseries and drifted my thoughts away from God in my moments of bliss. Now, I am choosing God as my guide, work (https://sites.google.com/a/followthyheart.org/followthyheart/) and goal.
I am with the same people - yet detached, seeking all from God and letting go of what is not coming through.
Its a wonderful place with an incessant love within; the love I was ignorantly searching outside from people.
Joy is right here, right now breathing inside me wherever I am and is being shared with whoever is in front.
My thoughts were my weakness, they would lead me astray towards my desires, next moment or the past. Thoughts still arise and try to lure me away. But, whenever I realize this, I call God to uplift my soul to Thee.
With pride and joy, I announce - I love GOD :))
***
Aum Tat Sat (God is Truth)
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